Uncertainty

The great thing about this life is that it is so uncertain. NOTHING is set in stone. Everyday we wake up with a second chance, a new opportunity. If you don't like who you are, or where you are then change it. Only you have the power to do so.
We all have goals, dreams, and things that we strive for. We should all do our best to reach our full potential, and be the best that we can be. It isn't easy, and you will have people who will try to tear you down. What they say, and the things they do shouldn't matter. Because this life is about you. It's about how you decide to live it, and the way that you treat people. People are what truely matter.

"When you are in the final days of your life, what will you want? Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame? Will you ask to be carried to the garage so you can sit in your car? Will you find comfort in rereading your financial statement? Of course not. What will matter then will be people. If relationships will matter the most then, shouldn't they matter the most now?" -Max Lucado

So if you don't like the person you have become, or the job your at, or ANYTHING in your life... change it. Surround yourself with supportive people, and be a supportive person in return. Think about what really matters to you, and then go get it.

Need To Be Me

"Spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people..." -The Breakfast Club

This is something im trying to work on, and for a while it has been tough. I can honestly say it has been a serious struggle. For the longest time I have felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm sure that most people do. It's hard trying to fit in. You want people to like you, you want to have friends and in trying to do so you forget that the most important friend you can have is you. Loving yourself can be hard for a lot, and recently it is something I can't do at all. Joseph Smith said "For doubt and faith do not exist in the same person at the same time" I need to learn to stop doubting myself. I have realized that if I don't like something about me then I need to change it, and have faith that through God and hard work I can do so. 
I'm luckier then most. Through this hard time and all my grouchyness I have a family who loves me and tries to understand. I have a husband who is WAY more patient then most, and loves me regardless. He also does everything he can to make me laugh and tell's me I'm Beautiful everyday. I would be seriously lost without him. 
This may sound selfish, but for a while I am going to focus on me. Honestly I really don't mean it in a bad way. I just need to work on loving myself, and be anyone I want to be. I just need to become a better me. 

Life ain't always beautiful, but its a beautiful ride...

Life has been rough lately. I am completely different from how I used to be and unfortunately I have changed for the worse. I am completely lost and I don't know what to do.. How do you find your way back to something, or better yet how can I move forward.  I just want to be the old me. The always happy and  never stressed me. I need to find out how to be me it is beginning to take  a toll on my life.. work, relationships, even my body.
This has been so hard, and it would be even harder without the people in my life who love me. Luckily I have things to help guide me.. Scriptures, prayer, parents, family, and the love of my life. Especially the love of my life. Without him I would be completely lost. He is my saving grace. He always amazes me. The patience and love he shows towards me has made me appreciate him more and more. I can honestly say that my love continues to grow for him each and every single day.
Honestly I think I have just barely realized the problem.. first problem, I have cared to much about how I look to other people lately. I have only cared about myself. How can someone be happy when they are only focused on their own flaws.. I need to focus on others strengths. I think my second problem is I let the stresses of life effect those around me. That doesn't really make sense so let me explain.. Gary Allen has a song that goes
"No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride"
I have only been focusing on the ugly things in life instead of laughing and enjoying the ride. I need to remember to appreciate the little things, and find joy in the things that are simple. I know this is all over the place and it might not even make sense to you. I think it will help me though.

FeaRLeSS..

Fearless.. The word itself can be scary. Because we are afraid, its something that is human and not easy to overcome. Often times we think to be fearless we must not be scared of ANYTHING.. but that is wrong. Maybe to be fearless is not the absence of fear, but rather doing something regardless of the fear.

I used to think that this was something that used to get in the way of my life. Then I realized that regardless of all my MANY fears (because trust me there are several) I still live my daily life. and that to me is Fearless. In the bible it says "be not afraid" 365 times. That is a daily reminder to live your life, to do something that scares you because in the end it just might be worth it.

Speaking from experience it is worth it. The many things I'm scared of.. doing things regardless is worth it. 

A new movie coming out says "You must realize that fear is not real it is a product of thoughts we create. Now do not misunderstand me, danger is very real.. but fear is a choice."
There is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS going to be dangers out there. The fear of judgment, the fear of ones self, the fear of a physical thing, the fear of a person, or maybe even the fear of God. There are so many different things to be afraid of, but what are you going to do about it. The way i see it you can live your life in two ways.. You can live in fear.. OR you can learn to be Fearless. Only one person can decide that. People will try to help you overcome your fears, but until you make the choice it will never happen.

YOU have to be the one to live your life regardless of what people will think.YOU have to be the one who decides that maybe there aren't monsters under the bed and you can be safe at night. YOU have to be the one who decides to love again even after being hurt so many times. YOU have to decide if you want to trust someone again regardless of their many lies.

This is why it is so unbelievably important to have a good support system. Somebody or people who will support you regardless of the mistake you make along the way. Someone who will she that you are trying and encourage you to push just a little harder. Because they aren't you. They can see your potential and they want you to achieve it, because they know that you can.

What it truly comes down to is YOU have to do what makes you happy.

Find people who will support you in those decisions... and then   

YOU have to decide to live your life Fearlessly.. 

who you'd be today.

SYDNEY TAYLOR BRUNING

what a beautiful daughter of god. i did not know Sydney personally, but i did know of her. and even though i did not know her well.. with confidence i can say that she is one of the most loving, kind hearted girls i have ever seen. her smile lit up the whole school, and her laughter brought it warmth. i have never witnessed one person effecting so many lives. so many loved her, and she loved them all back. 

these past few days i have realized that looks can be deceiving, and that you may truly never know a person. every time i saw Sydney she was happy, EVERY TIME. when i looked at her i thought she had it all. the guy, lots of friends, always having fun, always happy, and i would be wrong. because something was hurting Sydney so bad in her life that she felt the need to search for a way out, and she found it. on 2/7/2013 Sydney found her way out of this life, and i know she is happy know. i know she is up in heavenly fathers arms, and that she feels pain no more. however us down here are hurting bad. even though she is in a better place i know that it is hard for her friends, family, and people who hardly knew her to go without her. i didn't even know her and these past nights i have been bawling my eyes out because i know how amazing she truly was to everybody. 

i have also have come to realize what cruel world we live in.. we live in a world where kindness is necessary. because you never know how bad someone is hurting, you never know what kind of battle they are fighting. and its sad that it takes someones death for people to realize that. i want to be kinder from now one. i never want to be the reason for someones hurt. i want to build people up. not tear them down. shouldn't that be what we all strive for. is that not what we would want for ourselves. just like mama always said.. treat others the way you would want to be treated. always remember that the harsh words that you say can only be forgiven.. never forgotten. 

life is so incredibly short. you can blink and it's gone. we need to learn to cherish the small things and take nothing for granite. let people your thankful for know how much you appreciate them. let the people you love know that you love them. say it often, because you never know when your last chance will be. take everything in, and never forget. live like Sydney did, full of joy. a joy so full that it was contagious to everyone around her. be kind to all, and laugh way to much. realize that love can continue to grow towards everyone around you. and if like syd you take the time to get to know someone, you will love them to pieces. 

rest in peace sydney taylor bruning. you may be gone.. but never forgotten.  

forever should never be cut short.

its been a LONG time since i have written anything.. i really want to start getting back in the habit. so much has happened in my life, but they all have revolved around one thing (or i guess one person). Sage Peacock. my future husband.
yep that's right he asked me to marry him some time ago now. it was on September 16th. in other words the best birthday gift a girl could ask for. we haven't gotten married, and we still are unsure of when. we are hoping for an eternal marriage, something that will last forever.
i believe that too often these days people just give up. they decide that the marriage/person they would once do anything for simply isn't worth it. and in deciding this it leads to divorce. but the truth is marriage isn't easy. hell, love isn't even easy. it is something that has to be worked for not just by one of the two, but by both. its working together, as a team. it was best put by the notebook when noah says "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to WORK AT this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday" 
i just do not see how you could fall out of love with someone when you are working towards them and putting so much time in to them? 
more reasons why we lose sight of love is because we only love the part of us we see in another. you are supposed to love another because they are different not because they are the same as us. you are two different people joined together as one. he is supposed to be the part of her that she is not. it is what makes you a good team, that you are different. another stupid reason as to why love dies, is that we lose sight of all the good the other is doing and only focus on the bad. instead of being grateful for what is done all that is thought about was what was not done. we get so caught up in where we want to be we forget to sit back and realize all that is trying to be done to get there.
it isn't supposed to be easy, other wise everyone would do it. it needs to be hard. the hard times is what brings you closer. when struggle, but both try you really do realize the lengths one is willing to take for another. 
maybe i just don't know.. maybe i'm just not experienced.. maybe even sometimes there is a good reason not to work at it. but i promise you, myself, and my man.. that i will never take the easy road out. never will i consider divorce because he means that much to me, and our future means that much to me. i do not just want him now. this kind of love is not to be a temporary thing. its something that should be preserved. 

i look forward to a long life with him, and the life after. im excited to grow old with the man of my dreams, the man who truly is perfect for me. i look forward to a happy life with him, where we continue to make each other laugh. because if he is not happy then i am not. i cant wait to continue to fall hopelessly in love with him as i learn knew things about him almost every day. he honestly amazes me.  he has the biggest heart, and not only does he put me before him self, but he puts everyone else there too. all to many times he says things that shock me and make me so giddy inside. i love growing closer to him. and cant believe how close this last year has brought us. it  is in times of struggle that i realize all that he really would do for me. he is one of kind, and i hope that he never changes. because i know that he is the kind of man who will fight for me, who will struggle for me, he will always stand by my side. he has the best sense of humor and is never serious, i laugh on a daily basis, as a matter of fact i do not remember the last day where i did not laugh. 
he is the best team mate i could ask for. i thank God for him. i know he is in my life for a reason. that reason is to be mine to hold not only till death do i part, but even until after that. 
friends come and go, one day your children will get married, and all you will have left is the person you said "i do" to. so i beg you, do not rush love, let it take its time. let things fall together, so that they won't have to fall apart. make sure it is right, make sure they truly are the one for you. because its not just for better. its for better or worse. that means your going to have to stick it out, and that it won't always be easy. because we are people so mistakes will be made. one of the most important things you can do... forgive. because your going to have to do a lot of it. try to remember that just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. and just when you think it can't get any better.. it can. 

this week at work i met the most incredibly man.. his name was cal packer. now i only talked with him for 15-20 minutes, but he has changed my life forever. he came in to buy some shrubs, but it was hard to know what he wanted. you see cal's vocal cord snapped and he has a hard time talking, and people have an even harder time understanding. cal told me about his life, and im glad i took the time to hear it. he told me about his wife, and how she sent him out on a mission for two years and waited till her returned. they are old now and she is in a wheel chair, but he takes care of her. he then quoted a scripture to me.. proverbs 3:5-6 "trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." he was the sweetest man with the biggest heart, and i hope one day i will be able to meet him again. i hope that one day i will have a man like him, that will take care of me when im old and frail. because that is what love is really about. its about someone who is willing to do anything for you even if it hurts them. someone willing to give it their all, for all of time and eternity. he also reminded me that God can help us with anything, and if we dont know what to do he does, because he knows it all.  thanks cal for the sweet simple reminders

you may think im old fashioned, but to be honest i kind of am. i don't like all of this technology, i know it has its pros but it has a lot of cons too. sometimes... well actually all the time, i wish i lived in old western times. when boys tipped there hats when you walked by, and if they had something they really wanted to tell you they would track you down. cell phones make it too easy to talk to someone, especilly texting. i can't tell you how many times someone has texted me before talked to me in person, or only texted me and never talked to me in person at all. people even say things that they wouldn't normally because texting makes it easier to do so. i wish people now days had guts. guts to talk to me and ask me for my number instead of getting it off facebook. guts to walk up and as a girl on a date instead of texting me and asking... i absolutely hate cell phones.. i think they are important for very few things.. like emergencies, or keeping in touch with those who are far away. but it drives me absolutely insane how addicted people are to their phones. i hate when your hanging out with people and their are on their phones. when im with someone and they are on their phone it just shows me who or what their first priority is. it is their phone or the person that they are texting, what i have to say is unimportant. i just dont understand why texting is so important to us. would it be that hard for us to simply put our phones down and get to know the people we are with. people are always changing and you can always learn somthing new from them, you just have to pay attention and take the time to listen. what if someone was upset, but you never noticed because you couldnt look up from your phone long enough to see what was the matter.  i hate texting, i hate the fact that i turn to my phone when im bored. it bugs me that i do that. im not saying we shouldnt use our phones because thats not it at all. but would it really kill us or be that hard to keep it in our pockets when we are with people. show poeple how much they really do mean to  you. listen to them with out the interruption of a cell phone.

your my best friend:)

recently i discovered this thing called urban dictionary.. its a dictionary for "slang", but then i started typing names into it. like
Sage:"he is one of the most amazing guys you'll ever meet. he is an intelligent individual and is fun to be around. Sage is someone who is unlike anyone. he is best described as a hipster. he has random moments and laughs at things not many other people will. sage is a guy you can trust and count on. his smile will brighten your day no matter what. his hugs are amazing. they'll make you feel like not letting go. sage is someone who doesnt like to see the person he cares about down. hes definatly a guy you'll be sure to fall in love with because he is truly awesome."
there was also "fine as hell" and "a cool maintained attitude iwth thriving luck with sexuality. often trying new things with no fear. a person well liked by everyone. on everybodyes good side no matter what"
Then we looked up Matt his said
Matt:"a cute, adorable, sweet, random. funny, weird, and slightly insane boy. can make you smile no matter what is goin on or how mad you are at him and will make you cry at the littlest things. he shows equal affection to every girl he knows, and because of that will probably end up breaking your heart. hes a lover not a fighter, but doesnt know ow powerful his words can be. he always things hes done something wrong or screwd up in some way. he will always keep you wondering what is going on inside his head. and always keep you wondering on wheather or not waht hes saying is true. you will love and hate him all at the same time. but you will never want to leave him" there was also "an incredible guy. amazing in everysense hes a smooth talker, but he means everything he says hell treat you like a princess, has an adorable laugh and a bright smile. usually very cheerful and optimistic, despite how horrible the situation may be. can be harsh attimes for good reasons, but the amazing qualities cancel that out. the name matt means gift of god" and "matt. their names are common but they are rare. amazing kissers. perfect in everyway. usually tall and blonde."

haha i think some of these things are dead on. matt and sage are my best friends and i am so grateful for them. they have been here for me at the most crucial of times. and i will always be there for them. i love hanging out with boys. there are so many benefits to having boys as best friends rather then girls
1. they dont start rummors for no reason, or like they would say(sarcastically)"oh ya cause we just talk mad shit all the time"
2.they keep your secrets
3.they dont pms and are never rude unless you do something to piss them off
4.they wont try and steal the guy you like
5.they arent two faced
6.they stick up for you no matter what

 i love my two best friends. the only negative of having two boys as best friends is they wont take pictures with you. what stinkers! i am so glad that i can count on them. they are truly amazing and i am so grateful for them.

country must be country wide

i love being out in the country, and im not in it near enough. but when i am it usually turns out being the best day ever. a few weeks ago i went out to five mile with my friends angie and melia. we werent out there long, but it was worth it. and the cabelas trip after was mighty fine. we had fun:)
then last sunday my dad, brother, and i took our dogs out hiking. we were up in the mountains for about three hours. it was so relaxing and they dogs loved it. i cant wait for summer when i can do that more often.
and then yesterday my two best friends took me out west to go shooting. and i had a blast. yesterday was absolutely perfect, besides the fact Matt had to get stiches. he will get a awesome scar though. i shot the twenty-two and actually hit a few things. Sage shot the shot gun and made Matt deaf. and both their ears were ringing after shooting the 357 mag. then we hiked around for a little bit. when we got home while matt was getting stiches i looked at pictures of sage when he was little. they were quite cute.
lately all i listen to is country. im absolutely in love with it. there is so much you can learn from country music. like "dont blink, life goes faster then you think", "never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy", "its always your favorite sins that do you in", "lifes too easy to be so damn complicated." almost every country song can teach you something and i love it.

I was wrong. There is no way your losing me. Today after your game I realized how much I like you still.. I think this is just how you get when baseball rolls around. But I'll put up with it if it means I get to be with you!

he has been so cute lately, it's like all of the sudden things have completely changed. when two people hurt me who i thought never would did he was there for me.. he stood up for me and let me know how much he loves me.. and it meant a lot. lately he ask me how things are going and he makes sure that i am alright. he gives me hugs goodbye and tells me that he loves me, and he has no idea how much it means to me. right now he is exactly what i need. i wish i had my best friend to tell her about all the cute and simple things he says and does, but i dont. he is really the only one i can talk to about everything. it amazes me how fast things can change, and how bad the things people say can hurt.

today i saw a kid i used to know in jr high. he used to be such a good, he made such good choices. when i saw him today i was shocked. i never thought he'd be the one to do drugs. it doesnt make him a bad kid. it just makes me wonder what happened in his life to get him to that point. then i started thinking about my own life. i thought about my trials and how my life would be different if i had never experienced them. or even just how i handled my trials. at what point did they completely break me, and at won't point did i decide i was stronger than that and ready to try again. or what if when they broke me i never got back up. what kind of life would i be living, what path would i be on? it is crazy what defines us, and who can have influences on us.

something else i was thinking about today, i read a quote and it made me realize something. "Thats the thing about people who mean everything they say. they think everyone else does too."-Amir from the kite runner. i was thinking maybe people like that know you dont mean it, but if you have to lie to them to make yourself feel better then maybe they just let you get away with it. thats what i do. when someone lies to me, i usually know it. i just let them get away with it becasue if they need that to build them up, then why would i want to tear them down. i try to always give people the beneifit of the doubt and it hurts when they take advantage of that.

this is completely random, but its how i feel lately.