i just want you to know.. i thought about you alot tonight. mainly about all the times youve hurt me. and i know thats wrong. i know i should just remember the good, but its hard because you hurt me bad. more then once too. i know we had good times, but it makes me wonder if all the tears and fighting and pain were worth it. i dont regret you, and i probably never will. because youve helped me grow up alot. not by your example, but the pain you have added to my life, and the smiles you have added to it too. you know.. people think love is so hard, but its not. love is easy life just makes it seem hard. you see its easy to give all of yourself to someone, its just the things in life that you have to give up that makes it hard. so what it comes down too is i wasnt that person you were willing to sacrafice things for, which is okay. we can all love who we want.. right? i want you to know how grateful i am to have had you in my life. i want you to know that no matter what happens. i just want you happy, even if its not with me. thats hard for me to say becuase of how happy you can make me, but its the truth. i wish nothing but the best for you, and i just needed you to hear that. you truely did have such a big impact on my life, and because of that there will always be a special place in my heart for you. i wanna check up on you, because your my friend and i want things to be good for you. no matter how you get to where your going i hope its what youve always wanted, dreamed, and hoped for. im praying thats what youll get. you deserve it.

another letter to god

Dear Heavenly Father,
I have alot to ask of you right now.. like i really need you to watch over my best friend and her family. you see they just lost their cousin amanda, but you already knew that. they really need to feel your comfort and love. please give it too them. let them know your there. and could you please tell amanda something for me. can you tell her thanks for being such a good example to my best friend, and looking out for her when i wasnt around to do so. tell her so many people miss her, and she has changed so many lifes for the better. including mine, and i barely even knew her. tell her i wish i could of gotten to know her better because i think we couldve been great friends. and can you please tell her to help me look after mareassa still. im worried about her.. and it would help me out alot if she could. i know that people after this life can still be in our presence because ive felt it before. i felt my grandpa with me and itd be great if you could let mareassa feel amanda there with her. heavenly father.. please let mareassa know that im here for her. and that i care and love for her alot. seeing amanda and my uncle go this past week has made me realize how fragile life is. one minute your here and in the next you can be gone. it makes me want to live my life to the fullest, let everyone that i love know that i love them. beacuse people always leave you just never know when they are going to. i never want to end on bad terms with anyone, because things really arent worth being angry about. nothing is really that important. heavenly father please bless my aunt and cousins as they are also suffering right now. help her find some way to earn enough money to send her husband back to mexico. let her also feel your love and our love. help her be comforted in some way, i know she could really use it. heavenly father i love my best friend and im really worried about her. i dont know what to do for her and i really just want her to be okay. she is such a strong girl and i really look up to her. a lot of people do but i dont think she realizes that. please help me heavenly father i really need you and so do they.
i say these things in the name of jesus christ amen.

Taylor why do you understand me so much..

for him..

i dont like what your doing to me right now.. you hurt me before and i stupidly gave you my heart and trusted you AGAIN.. why do people do that. why do we always give out second chances. i mean its one thing to forgive, but its another to let them do it again. so why do i let you do it again, and again, and again... i think ive almost had it.. i think your chances might be running out, i guess we will see. anyways mister.. if you ever get the chance to see the movie 10 things i hate about you(the movie not the tv show) then this poem reminds me of you at this poing

10 things I hate about you poem

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around,

and the fact that you didn’t call.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,

not even close…

not even a little bit…

not even at all.

well i dont know why, but i still love you and wish nothing but the best.

i love this song.. it really is such a sweet song. it goes to show that the simpliest things are the only things that matter. i love it. so glad i got to see him in concert a few months ago... xoxo

how long does it take our lives to change. a year, a month, a day, an hour, maybe one moment. i think anything can change us. no matter how long it takes. especially in high school. in high school everyone is so different, but if you sat down and really got to know the loner in the hall you may find out that they arent that different from you. sure we all have lables that define us, but thats just a lable. who are we really? truth is people are always going to lable you, we just need to learn to over come those lables. because those lables arent going to stick with you forever, unless you let them. truth is once we graduate all the things that people thought about us will be gone. in 6 months and 23 days i will gradutate, i can start over. it'll be harder for the people who need this place to make themselves feel special. people who use high school to build themselves up and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who you were in high school. in fact they dont care at all. high school is hard, what people say and do can make it even harder. i often wonder what people think of me. what my "lable" is, because honestly...i dont know what it is myself. which maybe that isnt a bad thing, and its okay not to know what im known as. lately though i have wanted to know because i dont know who i am right now. i feel like im trying to be everyone else. i  just want to be me.

i was thinking about if we really could change the world. can one soul make this place a little bit better, and my answer is no. it takes more then one soul, but it does start with one. you see i dont think we realize how much we really do effect other peoples life. that the small and simple things, those tiny moments can change there life forever. we are who we are for a reason. we say what we say for a reason. if we open our ears, and listen with our heart. we can change lives. we can makes someones life so much better, that they will realize there potential and go on to do great things. all it takes is a few kind words, a helping hand, a silent pray, a simple smile, or just a friend.

truth is we all hurt, and that pain in your chest goes away. sometimes we feel like we are the only one struggling, and it frustrates us. we have to hold on, and face it because one day someone or something will be there to help us. because we could all use a little help sometimes. but happiness isnt far off. in fact sometimes its just around the corner. we just think that it wont be there. that were gonna be miserable forever. so wehen it does come we sometimes dont even realize it. that we feel joy again and are truely happy, and when we do. it makes it so much better.

the lord uses a scale very differnt from the world's to weigh the worth of souls

we are all children of God, born of noble birth. sometimes i dont think we remember that. we think things that we shouldn't, and do things we know aren't right. which is understandable becuase after all we are only human... but what does it really mean to be a child of God, princess's and prince's of a great king. with such a big title how can we forget that.
i don't think we realize how important it is to be different. that our differences have to contribute in some way to this life. it may be contributing to something big, or maybe something little, but its important they are there.

if your lucky enough to be differnt, dont ever change

i am a child of god.. and it's important to be myself.

i used to think that everyone was two faced, not always being thereself, changing depending on who they are with. perhaps this is true but maybe in a different way. maybe we don't neccisarily change based on who we're with, but who we're with brings out different personalities within us.

now i know that this isn't how all people are, and there are some two faced people out there. i like to call those who act like this people pleasers. there is one problem with this though. what if your wrong about the perosn your trying to please. that the way they are acting (the way you change yourself to act) isn't how they normally act. think about that.

something important to being the best child of god we can be is realizing what we want to become. something i have lost sight of. we become we want to be.. we have to decide now what we are strving to be, the change we want to see in the world. and think..how are we gonna achive that? how can i be the best me i can be, and become like christ at the same time.  

say you can and you can, say you can't and you can't. either way your right.

why don't we always act like son's and daughter's of a king? what compells us to think that the wrong we are doing could possibly be right. how do we justify it. even if we do justify it, does that make it right? we have to watch what we do, be careful what we think. because you one think can lead to the next... so we must always be careful. we have to pray that the spirit can be with us at all times so that the devil cant seep through. because...



Be careful what you think…
Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions
Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your character
Your character is everything

Be careful what you think, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful what you say, for your words become your actions.
Be careful what you do, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful what becomes habitual, for your habits become your destiny.

Be careful what you think, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful what you say, for your words become your actions.
Be careful what you do, for your actions become your character.
And character is everything

we have the rest of our lives to shape who we are.. and the rest of our lives start right now. today is the day to become who we need and want to become. we need to listen to our heart, follow our dreams, but don't lose yourself along the way. always remember who you are, and that you are of great worth. never give up. do what you have to do, and become all you can become.

it is your holy work to deeply love, honor and respect the precious self that you are, the soul that only you hold. 



Blah. Blah. Blah.

i miss him... ALOT. family life, school, and work havent been the best lately and i could really use a hug...
i hate telling people stuff like this because it makes me feel vulnerable, and thats the worst feeling in the world. it makes me sick. i hate that he makes me feel that way. but he hurt me bad before, and im really trying to let go. you can't move forward in a relationship if your stuck in the past, no matter how bad it hurts.
i always try to give people the benefit of the doubt.. but sometimes that can be hard. especially if youve been betrayed before. we just have to learn that people are ALWAYS going to hurt us.. no matter what. we just have to belive them and hope that they have changed their ways.. after all honesty is the best policy.
the truth is though.. no matter how much  of the truth someone tell us we don't know what happens behind closed doors. rumors are rumors, the truth is truth, but no matter what we never know the whole story.
poeple have secrets, reasons they do the things they do. when i see something i think is wrong i think,,, what would make them want to do that? what is their secret?.
i learned something very important walking by the outside of a primary class.. you cant judge people by what they do. you can only do what you know to be right and choose to follow that, and love others regardless of what they do.
Everyone does things differently we are all unique in our own ways. its what makes us special.

Letter's To God

I watched a show a while ago. it was a real eye opener. you should watch it. i promise its worth your time "letter's to god" is the name.

its a show about a boy who has cancer, and everyday he writes a letter to god and sends it in the mail. the mail man begins to read them and it completely changes his life. 

since this movie i have written many letter's to god, but never sent them. right now though i would like to write a blog a letter to god.

Dear God,

things arent going the way i had planned. then again your plan is whats going to happen, but i guess thats life. you expect it to go one way and it changes. it can change in a blink of an eye. or slowly, so slow you dont even notice its changing. and then it changes and your too late. heavenly father, life hasnt been very easy lately, but then again when is it. life is suppose to be hard. it helps us grow as people. lifes been hard on my brother lately... really too hard.please help my brother heavenly father. just make it easier for him in some way. anyway  and let me know how i can help. heavenly father i dont know how much more he can handle. he walks around like a zombie, irritated at the slightest things. he has become so numb that he doesnt seem to feel anything. i think it makes it harder for him to feel your presences. what kind of world is it that we live in. where when we go to school we are constantly at war, with the devil or friends. maybe even our own self image. we are amazing just the way we are and i think its hard for us to realize that. we need to love, honor, and respect ourselves. there is not one other soul like us out there and we are each different in our own unique way. i havent felt very unique lately. infact i feel like i dont know who i am anymore. i always feel like im trying ot be someone else. and im sick of it i just want to be myself again, but i dont even know what that is. constantly these questions repeat in my head. who are you? why am i here? am i really my own person, do i have great worth? how do you find yourself again when you've completely lost who you were?  i just dont know what to do. i miss alot of people right now heavenly father. like adam. i wish he wouldnt have moved away. its weird not living ten minutes away. i miss him so bad, please let me see him soon. i miss tiffanie.. i wish i didnt have to only find out about her life through facebook and her blog. i miss seeing her everyday like in 9th grade. she was the only friend i had, and i dont think she will ever realize how grateful i am for that and how big of an effect she had on my life. i miss my grandpa all the time. especially when im having a hard time. i just know if he was here i could go talk to him and he'd know what to do. tell him i say hi and that i love and miss him deeply. please help my best friend heavenly father.. she needs to get to school on time. id really like to graduate with my best friend. my family seems to be falling apart, but i take it day by day. i keep my head up and pray each day will be better. heavenly father thanks for all the comfort you give me. i feel it all the time lately, and ive needed it everytime. im glad you know what i need and want cause i sure as heck dont. heavenly father please bless my cousin.. well of of my cousins but this one imparticular. help him to get his life straight. he could really feel your love as well. heavenly father its late and im tired.. its time for bed. but heavenly father... thanks for that you do.

i say these things in the name jesus christ amen.



No One Knows My Name

Sometimes I cry to relieve my stress, and it feels good. Right now is one of those times..  Today has been an eventful day full of not so great things. I feel like they've been all my fault too. I was told it was my fault and it's hard to realize that your the disappointment when you feel others have been the disappointment to you. I'm so sick of family issues, friend issues, homework, school, and this pain in my back that has crippled me.. I can't even walk properly. All I really wanna do is just give up. I'm done with all this. I don't wanna solve these problems anymore cause it's not getting me anywhere. I just wanna leave this place and go somewhere where I can start fresh. This song describes my every emotions. Boston by Agustana  In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun... Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed, This world you must've crossed... she said... You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah, Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across An open field, When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry When they see you She said... You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah, She said I think I'll go to Boston... I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain... Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind... I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset, I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah, You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah... Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah Where no one knows my name... Where no one knows my name... Boston... No one knows my name.  Truth is I miss him alot today and I could really use a hug. It's weird not having him here everyday like how it was last year. I guess it could be a good thing, but bad at the same time. Things are definitely different now. We have both grown a bunch since last year. We are so much closer now and are constantly showing the other we care. I wish he wasn't so far but it makes me miss him more and realize how much i really do care about him. I can't wait for him to go on a mission. He will be a cute missionary..

Obsession...

Lately im obsessed with one tree hill.. i wanna look like brooke davis and i wanna be smart and say quotes like them too... i love oth.. i need to by the seasons so i can watch it everyday(:

i would kill to be as gorgeous as this...

Plus her and lucas are too cute together. ive been watching clips on youtube all day..

i love quotes off oth as well.. like these
-“Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways.
But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way."

-“Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.”

-If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? and if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? or break the heart of another? would you choose an entirely different path? or would you change just one thing? just one moment. one moment that you always wanted back..

-Do you ever wonder if we make moments in our lives, or if the moments in our lives make us?
-Happiness comes in many forms.
In the company of good friends,
in the feeling you get when you make someone else’s dreams come true,or in a promise of hope renewed.
It’s ok to let yourself be happy,
because you never know how great that happiness might be.
Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life,
that you expect it to always be there,
because you can’t remember a time in your life when it wasn’t.
But then one day you feel something else.
Something that feels wrong only because it’s so unfamiliar,
and in that moment you realize you’re happy.

-There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.

-What's more important? What we become, or how we become it?
-Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life and not know it.
Lucas Scott

-At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one.

-People are going to disappoint you, I get that, I kind of expect that but, what happens if one day you wake-up and realize you are the disappointment

-Why do relationships have to be so hard?
......'cause the only thing harder is being alone
Peyton Sawyer

-Realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.


-Its been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments of our lives while there happening…we grow up complacent with ideas or things or people and we take them for granted an its usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you realize how wrong you’ve been…that you realize how much you really need it…how much you love it
Nathan Scott

-I gave you my heart.
That's all I give you.
And if that's not enough for you,
I'm not enough for you.

-Nathan, it's been said that there is one word that will free us from the weight and pain of life. And, that word is love, and I believe that. It doesn't mean that it hasn't been hard or that it won't be. It just means that I found a stillness and bravery in myself with you. You make me brave and I will love you until the end of time. This I vow today.

-Why is it that it's so much easier to forgive a stranger than someone you love?

-we dont choose who we love... it just happens
Haley James Scott

-And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely...

-I wanted you to fight for me. And tell me that you would rather be alone than with anyone else!

-I'm not the most eloquent speaker, so I thought I would borrow a few words from Shakespeare. 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.' When life gets hard, when things change, true love remains the same.
I look at Nathan and Haley and some how I feel safer. I don't know if I can explain that, but they give me hope. And, I'm afraid say it out loud because maybe if life finds out it'll try to beat it out of them and that will be a shame.
Because, we all can use a little hope sometimes, you know. That feeling that everything's going to be okay and that there's going to be someone there to help make sure of that. So, here's to Nathan and Haley, and here's to hope, and here's to a love that will not alter.
-People who are meant to be together always find a way to each other.
-Girls just want someone who wants them back, At least thats what I want

-There are 82 letters in here, and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer, one a day, but I never sent them because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, .like before. Cause you hurt me so bad and I was afraid to be vulnerable again. I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now, after what I did, but i just thought that you should know. This is how I spent my summer, Luke, wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it.

-'Cause in the end it all hurts just the same.

- How about how you show it? I am not pushing you away, Lucas, I am holding on for dear life. But I need you to need me back, okay? Why didn't you tell me about the kiss? And why didn't you call me while you were away? And why won't you ever just let me all the way in?
Brooke Davis

 love OTH

Be Still My Soul

Be still my soul

Often times through trials I have been comforted by the lord. Several times, tonight for that matter. You may think it's silly but I was scared(haunted barn) tonight. And heavenly father comforted me through that. He is always there to help is even the silliest request. 
I don't share this story with many people but I would like to share it. It us close to my heart and means alot to me.  One night i was awfully upset.. So through my tears I prayed.. In my prayer I said "i miss my grandpa.. I wish i could talk to him now.. I need his comfort." that was the end. And heavenly father answered my prayer. For the rest of that night if i was ever upset my grandpas arms would be around me. 
I have had countless moments like this.. Through out my whole life. This is the reason I KNOW god lives and I KNOW he loves me. And he loves you. He has often calmed my soul and has showed me what to do in my times of need. God gives us trials to help us not to hurt us... Often times he will not make it go away, but it is always okay to ask for help. 

Sometimes god calms the storm... Sometimes he let's the storm rage and calms his child