out with the old, in with the new(and much better)

hey... i just wanted to let you know that the things you do and say don't effect or hurt me anymore. im not going to let you hold me back, and im not going to miss what we had. because what we had sucked. we always fought, and i feel like you didnt give me the respect i deserve. why would i let that keep me form moving on. espically when i have found something this amazing. you know ive had other opportunities to move on, and i havent until now and i think it was probably for a good reason. after all everything does happen for a reason. i like this boy alot.. he is everything i ever wanted. he can take me shooting, fishing, four wheeling, camping, he plays baseball(mighty sexy), he treats me with ALOT of respect, he has a truck, we both call cuddling snuggling, and put alot of ice in our cups, he is always happy, he looks really good when he works, he show's up at my work and makes my day oh so much better, he has blue eyes that could get me to do anything he asked, he is super ticklish, which i love even if he wont let me tickle him, he actually listens to me, and its so cute when he focuses on something because its like nothing and no one is around, he is good at basketball, and looks good when he plays it, he drives stick and can hold my hand while doing it,  he makes me laugh, he has been there for me when i really needed a friend, he would do anything for me and im so thankful for that, he is good at pool, he tries to teach me but sometimes i can be stubborn, he is patient with me, my family loves him and they all get along, he is so cute with his niece, i love that little girl to death and so does he, there are so many things that he does that i love... even the simpliest things. like how he put up christmas lights because its my christmas wish that eveyrone would put them up, and i know if i asked him to he would go to every house he could and do that. so grateful for him...
so stupid i hope that the dumb ass mistakes i made with you help me treat him better, cause i know he will ALWAYS treat me way better then you ever will, or did.
i like this kid alot.. i hope things work out well(:
love ya sagey!

this boy is like a unicorn, i didnt know they existed.. one day ill find a boy who thinks like this... then ill take him and marry him. we will leave happily ever after. only because he will want me, for me.. not my body.

im a strong believer in not caring what people think. you should live your life the way you want, and not what others around you are doing. we should say, do, and think how we want, and not care how people judge us. what we should care about though is how it effects people. because the things we say, do, and think matters to someone, and it can hurt, change, or help someone. now we shouldnt care what people think, but we should care what heavenly father thinks. how do you think he would feel if you were hurting or changing someone for the worse because of things you said, did, or thought. everything happens for a reason and everything changes someone in some way, even if its in the tinest way imaginable. when you bully someone it effects them. when you help someone it effects them. when you ignore someone that can effect them too. we shouldnt wanna effect people for the worse, becuase you cant even imagine what they could possibly be going through. i found this video its really sad but i want to share it, just so you can see the effect of what someones words can do. maybe even your words.

whenever you think  of saying something mean, think again... because what you say does matter. so please make it for the better.

on youtube many people have made a response to jonah mowry's video sharing their story and telling him that it gets better. after watching them i was thinking... what would my response be.. and this is it

Hello Jonah.. My name is lauren.. i'm happy, just not all the time... sometimes things bring me down.. and sometimes i do things im not proud of... i've burnt myself, i have scars, emotional and physical... some other things im not proud of.. ive been the bully, and ive been the victim... i just want you to know being the bully hurts too.. sometimes we say things.. things we dont mean, and before we realize it its too late to take back... the things i regret the most are words i have used to intentionally hurt someone..  because ive been hurt by words too.. by my best friend.. it was hard for me, but i pushed through it... i said i dont need anyone but myself to be happy.. and i did it.. i started focusing on other things.. like school, my family, and just trying to be a good friend to everyone. instead of my own problems.. it gets better jonah.. i can already see a light at the end of the tunnel for you and me. stay strong kid, and keep your head up. it will all get better in time.  

sometimes i feel completely over looked
never seen until everyone else is out of the way
always second pick, or maybe even last.
i know i can be great i just feel like sometimes maybe nobody else see's it.

Amanda Ann Mayo

how many lives can you change in 19 short years?? the answer to that... is how are you living your life. this past week my best friends(mareassa lee mayo) cousin Amanda Ann Mayo passed away. amanda was an amazing girl who i barely knew. and what she didnt know is that the hour that we hung out and the 5 minute phone call putting me back into place would change my life forever. amanda was probably one of my biggest heros. you see amanda had it all figured out, or so it seemed. she was so strong and independent. if she wanted to know something she found out for herself. what she believed was really what SHE believed. she didn't let what her parents believed, or anyone else for that matter, change what she thought and knew to be right. i dont know how amanda did it, 18 credit hours in college, working night shifts full time, and still making time for other people. amanda was amazing to anyone who entered into her life. if you knew her you felt special. she made friends with strangers on the street, and that mattered to people. to know that someone cared. even if it was just for a moment. she changed thousands of lives, and maybe because of her they will change thousands of lives. i know im going to try to. you know... it seems so hard.. doing that much school, working full time, and still having a social life.. but im sure amanda made the best of it all, in fact she made it look easy. she went to school, and she went to work. with a smile that never left her face. and as for her social life, that was easy because all she simple did was love people and let them know she cared. i know thats what she did because she did it for me, and she did it for her beautiful cousin. she easily loved people no matter who they were. hearts are heavy with the loss we have had, but im choosing not to remember her by her death, but her life. because amanda mayo has inspired me to be a better person. to be all that i can be and to help others reach their full potential as well. she will truly be missed. alot of people cared about you and we are sorry to see you go, but hope your life lives on. yes you may be gone but i hpe your life lives on in others, becuase we still need you amanda. we love you. R.I.P, and god be with you until we meet again. your in his loving arms now. xoxo

hate is safer then love

hate is much easier then love, and it shouldnt be that way. but for alot of people thats the way it is. you see people are human, and we make mistakes. maybe one of our biggest mistakes is seeing the bad in people and forgetting that they're human too. and just like you they arent perfect. but really we should love people for mistakes, because if they make a mistake it means two things. they are human, and they are trying. we should commend people for mistakes. mistakes arent a bad thing... yeah they hurt people, but they give people an opportunity to grow. everytime i make a mistake or i see someone else make a mistake i grow from it. i grow from trying to fix my mistake because that betters me as a person, and maybe it even betters those around me. fixing it is never easy.. sometimes its hard for people to forgive, and for you to forgive yourself. but if you just get past it, if you hold it together and stay strong. you will just come out that much better of a person. because what really matters is your effort not your mistake. and sometimes i think we all forget to look at that. because the good things in life arent just handed to us, you have to get them yourself. and all along the way your gonna mess up and so are people who you care about, you just have to learn to see past it. find the true intentions of their heart. if there worth it... push through it with them. hate is safer then love. because hate is easy, and love can hurt. but is that any reason not to love?

i just want you to know.. i thought about you alot tonight. mainly about all the times youve hurt me. and i know thats wrong. i know i should just remember the good, but its hard because you hurt me bad. more then once too. i know we had good times, but it makes me wonder if all the tears and fighting and pain were worth it. i dont regret you, and i probably never will. because youve helped me grow up alot. not by your example, but the pain you have added to my life, and the smiles you have added to it too. you know.. people think love is so hard, but its not. love is easy life just makes it seem hard. you see its easy to give all of yourself to someone, its just the things in life that you have to give up that makes it hard. so what it comes down too is i wasnt that person you were willing to sacrafice things for, which is okay. we can all love who we want.. right? i want you to know how grateful i am to have had you in my life. i want you to know that no matter what happens. i just want you happy, even if its not with me. thats hard for me to say becuase of how happy you can make me, but its the truth. i wish nothing but the best for you, and i just needed you to hear that. you truely did have such a big impact on my life, and because of that there will always be a special place in my heart for you. i wanna check up on you, because your my friend and i want things to be good for you. no matter how you get to where your going i hope its what youve always wanted, dreamed, and hoped for. im praying thats what youll get. you deserve it.

another letter to god

Dear Heavenly Father,
I have alot to ask of you right now.. like i really need you to watch over my best friend and her family. you see they just lost their cousin amanda, but you already knew that. they really need to feel your comfort and love. please give it too them. let them know your there. and could you please tell amanda something for me. can you tell her thanks for being such a good example to my best friend, and looking out for her when i wasnt around to do so. tell her so many people miss her, and she has changed so many lifes for the better. including mine, and i barely even knew her. tell her i wish i could of gotten to know her better because i think we couldve been great friends. and can you please tell her to help me look after mareassa still. im worried about her.. and it would help me out alot if she could. i know that people after this life can still be in our presence because ive felt it before. i felt my grandpa with me and itd be great if you could let mareassa feel amanda there with her. heavenly father.. please let mareassa know that im here for her. and that i care and love for her alot. seeing amanda and my uncle go this past week has made me realize how fragile life is. one minute your here and in the next you can be gone. it makes me want to live my life to the fullest, let everyone that i love know that i love them. beacuse people always leave you just never know when they are going to. i never want to end on bad terms with anyone, because things really arent worth being angry about. nothing is really that important. heavenly father please bless my aunt and cousins as they are also suffering right now. help her find some way to earn enough money to send her husband back to mexico. let her also feel your love and our love. help her be comforted in some way, i know she could really use it. heavenly father i love my best friend and im really worried about her. i dont know what to do for her and i really just want her to be okay. she is such a strong girl and i really look up to her. a lot of people do but i dont think she realizes that. please help me heavenly father i really need you and so do they.
i say these things in the name of jesus christ amen.

Taylor why do you understand me so much..

for him..

i dont like what your doing to me right now.. you hurt me before and i stupidly gave you my heart and trusted you AGAIN.. why do people do that. why do we always give out second chances. i mean its one thing to forgive, but its another to let them do it again. so why do i let you do it again, and again, and again... i think ive almost had it.. i think your chances might be running out, i guess we will see. anyways mister.. if you ever get the chance to see the movie 10 things i hate about you(the movie not the tv show) then this poem reminds me of you at this poing

10 things I hate about you poem

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around,

and the fact that you didn’t call.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,

not even close…

not even a little bit…

not even at all.

well i dont know why, but i still love you and wish nothing but the best.

i love this song.. it really is such a sweet song. it goes to show that the simpliest things are the only things that matter. i love it. so glad i got to see him in concert a few months ago... xoxo

how long does it take our lives to change. a year, a month, a day, an hour, maybe one moment. i think anything can change us. no matter how long it takes. especially in high school. in high school everyone is so different, but if you sat down and really got to know the loner in the hall you may find out that they arent that different from you. sure we all have lables that define us, but thats just a lable. who are we really? truth is people are always going to lable you, we just need to learn to over come those lables. because those lables arent going to stick with you forever, unless you let them. truth is once we graduate all the things that people thought about us will be gone. in 6 months and 23 days i will gradutate, i can start over. it'll be harder for the people who need this place to make themselves feel special. people who use high school to build themselves up and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who you were in high school. in fact they dont care at all. high school is hard, what people say and do can make it even harder. i often wonder what people think of me. what my "lable" is, because honestly...i dont know what it is myself. which maybe that isnt a bad thing, and its okay not to know what im known as. lately though i have wanted to know because i dont know who i am right now. i feel like im trying to be everyone else. i  just want to be me.

i was thinking about if we really could change the world. can one soul make this place a little bit better, and my answer is no. it takes more then one soul, but it does start with one. you see i dont think we realize how much we really do effect other peoples life. that the small and simple things, those tiny moments can change there life forever. we are who we are for a reason. we say what we say for a reason. if we open our ears, and listen with our heart. we can change lives. we can makes someones life so much better, that they will realize there potential and go on to do great things. all it takes is a few kind words, a helping hand, a silent pray, a simple smile, or just a friend.

truth is we all hurt, and that pain in your chest goes away. sometimes we feel like we are the only one struggling, and it frustrates us. we have to hold on, and face it because one day someone or something will be there to help us. because we could all use a little help sometimes. but happiness isnt far off. in fact sometimes its just around the corner. we just think that it wont be there. that were gonna be miserable forever. so wehen it does come we sometimes dont even realize it. that we feel joy again and are truely happy, and when we do. it makes it so much better.