out with the old, in with the new(and much better)

hey... i just wanted to let you know that the things you do and say don't effect or hurt me anymore. im not going to let you hold me back, and im not going to miss what we had. because what we had sucked. we always fought, and i feel like you didnt give me the respect i deserve. why would i let that keep me form moving on. espically when i have found something this amazing. you know ive had other opportunities to move on, and i havent until now and i think it was probably for a good reason. after all everything does happen for a reason. i like this boy alot.. he is everything i ever wanted. he can take me shooting, fishing, four wheeling, camping, he plays baseball(mighty sexy), he treats me with ALOT of respect, he has a truck, we both call cuddling snuggling, and put alot of ice in our cups, he is always happy, he looks really good when he works, he show's up at my work and makes my day oh so much better, he has blue eyes that could get me to do anything he asked, he is super ticklish, which i love even if he wont let me tickle him, he actually listens to me, and its so cute when he focuses on something because its like nothing and no one is around, he is good at basketball, and looks good when he plays it, he drives stick and can hold my hand while doing it,  he makes me laugh, he has been there for me when i really needed a friend, he would do anything for me and im so thankful for that, he is good at pool, he tries to teach me but sometimes i can be stubborn, he is patient with me, my family loves him and they all get along, he is so cute with his niece, i love that little girl to death and so does he, there are so many things that he does that i love... even the simpliest things. like how he put up christmas lights because its my christmas wish that eveyrone would put them up, and i know if i asked him to he would go to every house he could and do that. so grateful for him...
so stupid i hope that the dumb ass mistakes i made with you help me treat him better, cause i know he will ALWAYS treat me way better then you ever will, or did.
i like this kid alot.. i hope things work out well(:
love ya sagey!

this boy is like a unicorn, i didnt know they existed.. one day ill find a boy who thinks like this... then ill take him and marry him. we will leave happily ever after. only because he will want me, for me.. not my body.

im a strong believer in not caring what people think. you should live your life the way you want, and not what others around you are doing. we should say, do, and think how we want, and not care how people judge us. what we should care about though is how it effects people. because the things we say, do, and think matters to someone, and it can hurt, change, or help someone. now we shouldnt care what people think, but we should care what heavenly father thinks. how do you think he would feel if you were hurting or changing someone for the worse because of things you said, did, or thought. everything happens for a reason and everything changes someone in some way, even if its in the tinest way imaginable. when you bully someone it effects them. when you help someone it effects them. when you ignore someone that can effect them too. we shouldnt wanna effect people for the worse, becuase you cant even imagine what they could possibly be going through. i found this video its really sad but i want to share it, just so you can see the effect of what someones words can do. maybe even your words.

whenever you think  of saying something mean, think again... because what you say does matter. so please make it for the better.

on youtube many people have made a response to jonah mowry's video sharing their story and telling him that it gets better. after watching them i was thinking... what would my response be.. and this is it

Hello Jonah.. My name is lauren.. i'm happy, just not all the time... sometimes things bring me down.. and sometimes i do things im not proud of... i've burnt myself, i have scars, emotional and physical... some other things im not proud of.. ive been the bully, and ive been the victim... i just want you to know being the bully hurts too.. sometimes we say things.. things we dont mean, and before we realize it its too late to take back... the things i regret the most are words i have used to intentionally hurt someone..  because ive been hurt by words too.. by my best friend.. it was hard for me, but i pushed through it... i said i dont need anyone but myself to be happy.. and i did it.. i started focusing on other things.. like school, my family, and just trying to be a good friend to everyone. instead of my own problems.. it gets better jonah.. i can already see a light at the end of the tunnel for you and me. stay strong kid, and keep your head up. it will all get better in time.  

sometimes i feel completely over looked
never seen until everyone else is out of the way
always second pick, or maybe even last.
i know i can be great i just feel like sometimes maybe nobody else see's it.

Amanda Ann Mayo

how many lives can you change in 19 short years?? the answer to that... is how are you living your life. this past week my best friends(mareassa lee mayo) cousin Amanda Ann Mayo passed away. amanda was an amazing girl who i barely knew. and what she didnt know is that the hour that we hung out and the 5 minute phone call putting me back into place would change my life forever. amanda was probably one of my biggest heros. you see amanda had it all figured out, or so it seemed. she was so strong and independent. if she wanted to know something she found out for herself. what she believed was really what SHE believed. she didn't let what her parents believed, or anyone else for that matter, change what she thought and knew to be right. i dont know how amanda did it, 18 credit hours in college, working night shifts full time, and still making time for other people. amanda was amazing to anyone who entered into her life. if you knew her you felt special. she made friends with strangers on the street, and that mattered to people. to know that someone cared. even if it was just for a moment. she changed thousands of lives, and maybe because of her they will change thousands of lives. i know im going to try to. you know... it seems so hard.. doing that much school, working full time, and still having a social life.. but im sure amanda made the best of it all, in fact she made it look easy. she went to school, and she went to work. with a smile that never left her face. and as for her social life, that was easy because all she simple did was love people and let them know she cared. i know thats what she did because she did it for me, and she did it for her beautiful cousin. she easily loved people no matter who they were. hearts are heavy with the loss we have had, but im choosing not to remember her by her death, but her life. because amanda mayo has inspired me to be a better person. to be all that i can be and to help others reach their full potential as well. she will truly be missed. alot of people cared about you and we are sorry to see you go, but hope your life lives on. yes you may be gone but i hpe your life lives on in others, becuase we still need you amanda. we love you. R.I.P, and god be with you until we meet again. your in his loving arms now. xoxo

hate is safer then love

hate is much easier then love, and it shouldnt be that way. but for alot of people thats the way it is. you see people are human, and we make mistakes. maybe one of our biggest mistakes is seeing the bad in people and forgetting that they're human too. and just like you they arent perfect. but really we should love people for mistakes, because if they make a mistake it means two things. they are human, and they are trying. we should commend people for mistakes. mistakes arent a bad thing... yeah they hurt people, but they give people an opportunity to grow. everytime i make a mistake or i see someone else make a mistake i grow from it. i grow from trying to fix my mistake because that betters me as a person, and maybe it even betters those around me. fixing it is never easy.. sometimes its hard for people to forgive, and for you to forgive yourself. but if you just get past it, if you hold it together and stay strong. you will just come out that much better of a person. because what really matters is your effort not your mistake. and sometimes i think we all forget to look at that. because the good things in life arent just handed to us, you have to get them yourself. and all along the way your gonna mess up and so are people who you care about, you just have to learn to see past it. find the true intentions of their heart. if there worth it... push through it with them. hate is safer then love. because hate is easy, and love can hurt. but is that any reason not to love?

i just want you to know.. i thought about you alot tonight. mainly about all the times youve hurt me. and i know thats wrong. i know i should just remember the good, but its hard because you hurt me bad. more then once too. i know we had good times, but it makes me wonder if all the tears and fighting and pain were worth it. i dont regret you, and i probably never will. because youve helped me grow up alot. not by your example, but the pain you have added to my life, and the smiles you have added to it too. you know.. people think love is so hard, but its not. love is easy life just makes it seem hard. you see its easy to give all of yourself to someone, its just the things in life that you have to give up that makes it hard. so what it comes down too is i wasnt that person you were willing to sacrafice things for, which is okay. we can all love who we want.. right? i want you to know how grateful i am to have had you in my life. i want you to know that no matter what happens. i just want you happy, even if its not with me. thats hard for me to say becuase of how happy you can make me, but its the truth. i wish nothing but the best for you, and i just needed you to hear that. you truely did have such a big impact on my life, and because of that there will always be a special place in my heart for you. i wanna check up on you, because your my friend and i want things to be good for you. no matter how you get to where your going i hope its what youve always wanted, dreamed, and hoped for. im praying thats what youll get. you deserve it.

another letter to god

Dear Heavenly Father,
I have alot to ask of you right now.. like i really need you to watch over my best friend and her family. you see they just lost their cousin amanda, but you already knew that. they really need to feel your comfort and love. please give it too them. let them know your there. and could you please tell amanda something for me. can you tell her thanks for being such a good example to my best friend, and looking out for her when i wasnt around to do so. tell her so many people miss her, and she has changed so many lifes for the better. including mine, and i barely even knew her. tell her i wish i could of gotten to know her better because i think we couldve been great friends. and can you please tell her to help me look after mareassa still. im worried about her.. and it would help me out alot if she could. i know that people after this life can still be in our presence because ive felt it before. i felt my grandpa with me and itd be great if you could let mareassa feel amanda there with her. heavenly father.. please let mareassa know that im here for her. and that i care and love for her alot. seeing amanda and my uncle go this past week has made me realize how fragile life is. one minute your here and in the next you can be gone. it makes me want to live my life to the fullest, let everyone that i love know that i love them. beacuse people always leave you just never know when they are going to. i never want to end on bad terms with anyone, because things really arent worth being angry about. nothing is really that important. heavenly father please bless my aunt and cousins as they are also suffering right now. help her find some way to earn enough money to send her husband back to mexico. let her also feel your love and our love. help her be comforted in some way, i know she could really use it. heavenly father i love my best friend and im really worried about her. i dont know what to do for her and i really just want her to be okay. she is such a strong girl and i really look up to her. a lot of people do but i dont think she realizes that. please help me heavenly father i really need you and so do they.
i say these things in the name of jesus christ amen.

Taylor why do you understand me so much..

for him..

i dont like what your doing to me right now.. you hurt me before and i stupidly gave you my heart and trusted you AGAIN.. why do people do that. why do we always give out second chances. i mean its one thing to forgive, but its another to let them do it again. so why do i let you do it again, and again, and again... i think ive almost had it.. i think your chances might be running out, i guess we will see. anyways mister.. if you ever get the chance to see the movie 10 things i hate about you(the movie not the tv show) then this poem reminds me of you at this poing

10 things I hate about you poem

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around,

and the fact that you didn’t call.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,

not even close…

not even a little bit…

not even at all.

well i dont know why, but i still love you and wish nothing but the best.

i love this song.. it really is such a sweet song. it goes to show that the simpliest things are the only things that matter. i love it. so glad i got to see him in concert a few months ago... xoxo

how long does it take our lives to change. a year, a month, a day, an hour, maybe one moment. i think anything can change us. no matter how long it takes. especially in high school. in high school everyone is so different, but if you sat down and really got to know the loner in the hall you may find out that they arent that different from you. sure we all have lables that define us, but thats just a lable. who are we really? truth is people are always going to lable you, we just need to learn to over come those lables. because those lables arent going to stick with you forever, unless you let them. truth is once we graduate all the things that people thought about us will be gone. in 6 months and 23 days i will gradutate, i can start over. it'll be harder for the people who need this place to make themselves feel special. people who use high school to build themselves up and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who you were in high school. in fact they dont care at all. high school is hard, what people say and do can make it even harder. i often wonder what people think of me. what my "lable" is, because honestly...i dont know what it is myself. which maybe that isnt a bad thing, and its okay not to know what im known as. lately though i have wanted to know because i dont know who i am right now. i feel like im trying to be everyone else. i  just want to be me.

i was thinking about if we really could change the world. can one soul make this place a little bit better, and my answer is no. it takes more then one soul, but it does start with one. you see i dont think we realize how much we really do effect other peoples life. that the small and simple things, those tiny moments can change there life forever. we are who we are for a reason. we say what we say for a reason. if we open our ears, and listen with our heart. we can change lives. we can makes someones life so much better, that they will realize there potential and go on to do great things. all it takes is a few kind words, a helping hand, a silent pray, a simple smile, or just a friend.

truth is we all hurt, and that pain in your chest goes away. sometimes we feel like we are the only one struggling, and it frustrates us. we have to hold on, and face it because one day someone or something will be there to help us. because we could all use a little help sometimes. but happiness isnt far off. in fact sometimes its just around the corner. we just think that it wont be there. that were gonna be miserable forever. so wehen it does come we sometimes dont even realize it. that we feel joy again and are truely happy, and when we do. it makes it so much better.

the lord uses a scale very differnt from the world's to weigh the worth of souls

we are all children of God, born of noble birth. sometimes i dont think we remember that. we think things that we shouldn't, and do things we know aren't right. which is understandable becuase after all we are only human... but what does it really mean to be a child of God, princess's and prince's of a great king. with such a big title how can we forget that.
i don't think we realize how important it is to be different. that our differences have to contribute in some way to this life. it may be contributing to something big, or maybe something little, but its important they are there.

if your lucky enough to be differnt, dont ever change

i am a child of god.. and it's important to be myself.

i used to think that everyone was two faced, not always being thereself, changing depending on who they are with. perhaps this is true but maybe in a different way. maybe we don't neccisarily change based on who we're with, but who we're with brings out different personalities within us.

now i know that this isn't how all people are, and there are some two faced people out there. i like to call those who act like this people pleasers. there is one problem with this though. what if your wrong about the perosn your trying to please. that the way they are acting (the way you change yourself to act) isn't how they normally act. think about that.

something important to being the best child of god we can be is realizing what we want to become. something i have lost sight of. we become we want to be.. we have to decide now what we are strving to be, the change we want to see in the world. and think..how are we gonna achive that? how can i be the best me i can be, and become like christ at the same time.  

say you can and you can, say you can't and you can't. either way your right.

why don't we always act like son's and daughter's of a king? what compells us to think that the wrong we are doing could possibly be right. how do we justify it. even if we do justify it, does that make it right? we have to watch what we do, be careful what we think. because you one think can lead to the next... so we must always be careful. we have to pray that the spirit can be with us at all times so that the devil cant seep through. because...



Be careful what you think…
Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions
Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your character
Your character is everything

Be careful what you think, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful what you say, for your words become your actions.
Be careful what you do, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful what becomes habitual, for your habits become your destiny.

Be careful what you think, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful what you say, for your words become your actions.
Be careful what you do, for your actions become your character.
And character is everything

we have the rest of our lives to shape who we are.. and the rest of our lives start right now. today is the day to become who we need and want to become. we need to listen to our heart, follow our dreams, but don't lose yourself along the way. always remember who you are, and that you are of great worth. never give up. do what you have to do, and become all you can become.

it is your holy work to deeply love, honor and respect the precious self that you are, the soul that only you hold. 



Blah. Blah. Blah.

i miss him... ALOT. family life, school, and work havent been the best lately and i could really use a hug...
i hate telling people stuff like this because it makes me feel vulnerable, and thats the worst feeling in the world. it makes me sick. i hate that he makes me feel that way. but he hurt me bad before, and im really trying to let go. you can't move forward in a relationship if your stuck in the past, no matter how bad it hurts.
i always try to give people the benefit of the doubt.. but sometimes that can be hard. especially if youve been betrayed before. we just have to learn that people are ALWAYS going to hurt us.. no matter what. we just have to belive them and hope that they have changed their ways.. after all honesty is the best policy.
the truth is though.. no matter how much  of the truth someone tell us we don't know what happens behind closed doors. rumors are rumors, the truth is truth, but no matter what we never know the whole story.
poeple have secrets, reasons they do the things they do. when i see something i think is wrong i think,,, what would make them want to do that? what is their secret?.
i learned something very important walking by the outside of a primary class.. you cant judge people by what they do. you can only do what you know to be right and choose to follow that, and love others regardless of what they do.
Everyone does things differently we are all unique in our own ways. its what makes us special.

Letter's To God

I watched a show a while ago. it was a real eye opener. you should watch it. i promise its worth your time "letter's to god" is the name.

its a show about a boy who has cancer, and everyday he writes a letter to god and sends it in the mail. the mail man begins to read them and it completely changes his life. 

since this movie i have written many letter's to god, but never sent them. right now though i would like to write a blog a letter to god.

Dear God,

things arent going the way i had planned. then again your plan is whats going to happen, but i guess thats life. you expect it to go one way and it changes. it can change in a blink of an eye. or slowly, so slow you dont even notice its changing. and then it changes and your too late. heavenly father, life hasnt been very easy lately, but then again when is it. life is suppose to be hard. it helps us grow as people. lifes been hard on my brother lately... really too hard.please help my brother heavenly father. just make it easier for him in some way. anyway  and let me know how i can help. heavenly father i dont know how much more he can handle. he walks around like a zombie, irritated at the slightest things. he has become so numb that he doesnt seem to feel anything. i think it makes it harder for him to feel your presences. what kind of world is it that we live in. where when we go to school we are constantly at war, with the devil or friends. maybe even our own self image. we are amazing just the way we are and i think its hard for us to realize that. we need to love, honor, and respect ourselves. there is not one other soul like us out there and we are each different in our own unique way. i havent felt very unique lately. infact i feel like i dont know who i am anymore. i always feel like im trying ot be someone else. and im sick of it i just want to be myself again, but i dont even know what that is. constantly these questions repeat in my head. who are you? why am i here? am i really my own person, do i have great worth? how do you find yourself again when you've completely lost who you were?  i just dont know what to do. i miss alot of people right now heavenly father. like adam. i wish he wouldnt have moved away. its weird not living ten minutes away. i miss him so bad, please let me see him soon. i miss tiffanie.. i wish i didnt have to only find out about her life through facebook and her blog. i miss seeing her everyday like in 9th grade. she was the only friend i had, and i dont think she will ever realize how grateful i am for that and how big of an effect she had on my life. i miss my grandpa all the time. especially when im having a hard time. i just know if he was here i could go talk to him and he'd know what to do. tell him i say hi and that i love and miss him deeply. please help my best friend heavenly father.. she needs to get to school on time. id really like to graduate with my best friend. my family seems to be falling apart, but i take it day by day. i keep my head up and pray each day will be better. heavenly father thanks for all the comfort you give me. i feel it all the time lately, and ive needed it everytime. im glad you know what i need and want cause i sure as heck dont. heavenly father please bless my cousin.. well of of my cousins but this one imparticular. help him to get his life straight. he could really feel your love as well. heavenly father its late and im tired.. its time for bed. but heavenly father... thanks for that you do.

i say these things in the name jesus christ amen.



No One Knows My Name

Sometimes I cry to relieve my stress, and it feels good. Right now is one of those times..  Today has been an eventful day full of not so great things. I feel like they've been all my fault too. I was told it was my fault and it's hard to realize that your the disappointment when you feel others have been the disappointment to you. I'm so sick of family issues, friend issues, homework, school, and this pain in my back that has crippled me.. I can't even walk properly. All I really wanna do is just give up. I'm done with all this. I don't wanna solve these problems anymore cause it's not getting me anywhere. I just wanna leave this place and go somewhere where I can start fresh. This song describes my every emotions. Boston by Agustana  In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun... Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed, This world you must've crossed... she said... You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah, Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across An open field, When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry When they see you She said... You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah, She said I think I'll go to Boston... I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain... Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind... I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset, I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah, You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah... Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah Where no one knows my name... Where no one knows my name... Boston... No one knows my name.  Truth is I miss him alot today and I could really use a hug. It's weird not having him here everyday like how it was last year. I guess it could be a good thing, but bad at the same time. Things are definitely different now. We have both grown a bunch since last year. We are so much closer now and are constantly showing the other we care. I wish he wasn't so far but it makes me miss him more and realize how much i really do care about him. I can't wait for him to go on a mission. He will be a cute missionary..

Obsession...

Lately im obsessed with one tree hill.. i wanna look like brooke davis and i wanna be smart and say quotes like them too... i love oth.. i need to by the seasons so i can watch it everyday(:

i would kill to be as gorgeous as this...

Plus her and lucas are too cute together. ive been watching clips on youtube all day..

i love quotes off oth as well.. like these
-“Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend. Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways.
But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way."

-“Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.”

-If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? and if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? or break the heart of another? would you choose an entirely different path? or would you change just one thing? just one moment. one moment that you always wanted back..

-Do you ever wonder if we make moments in our lives, or if the moments in our lives make us?
-Happiness comes in many forms.
In the company of good friends,
in the feeling you get when you make someone else’s dreams come true,or in a promise of hope renewed.
It’s ok to let yourself be happy,
because you never know how great that happiness might be.
Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life,
that you expect it to always be there,
because you can’t remember a time in your life when it wasn’t.
But then one day you feel something else.
Something that feels wrong only because it’s so unfamiliar,
and in that moment you realize you’re happy.

-There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.

-What's more important? What we become, or how we become it?
-Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life and not know it.
Lucas Scott

-At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one.

-People are going to disappoint you, I get that, I kind of expect that but, what happens if one day you wake-up and realize you are the disappointment

-Why do relationships have to be so hard?
......'cause the only thing harder is being alone
Peyton Sawyer

-Realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.


-Its been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments of our lives while there happening…we grow up complacent with ideas or things or people and we take them for granted an its usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you realize how wrong you’ve been…that you realize how much you really need it…how much you love it
Nathan Scott

-I gave you my heart.
That's all I give you.
And if that's not enough for you,
I'm not enough for you.

-Nathan, it's been said that there is one word that will free us from the weight and pain of life. And, that word is love, and I believe that. It doesn't mean that it hasn't been hard or that it won't be. It just means that I found a stillness and bravery in myself with you. You make me brave and I will love you until the end of time. This I vow today.

-Why is it that it's so much easier to forgive a stranger than someone you love?

-we dont choose who we love... it just happens
Haley James Scott

-And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be... or lose that person completely...

-I wanted you to fight for me. And tell me that you would rather be alone than with anyone else!

-I'm not the most eloquent speaker, so I thought I would borrow a few words from Shakespeare. 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.' When life gets hard, when things change, true love remains the same.
I look at Nathan and Haley and some how I feel safer. I don't know if I can explain that, but they give me hope. And, I'm afraid say it out loud because maybe if life finds out it'll try to beat it out of them and that will be a shame.
Because, we all can use a little hope sometimes, you know. That feeling that everything's going to be okay and that there's going to be someone there to help make sure of that. So, here's to Nathan and Haley, and here's to hope, and here's to a love that will not alter.
-People who are meant to be together always find a way to each other.
-Girls just want someone who wants them back, At least thats what I want

-There are 82 letters in here, and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer, one a day, but I never sent them because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, .like before. Cause you hurt me so bad and I was afraid to be vulnerable again. I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now, after what I did, but i just thought that you should know. This is how I spent my summer, Luke, wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it.

-'Cause in the end it all hurts just the same.

- How about how you show it? I am not pushing you away, Lucas, I am holding on for dear life. But I need you to need me back, okay? Why didn't you tell me about the kiss? And why didn't you call me while you were away? And why won't you ever just let me all the way in?
Brooke Davis

 love OTH

Be Still My Soul

Be still my soul

Often times through trials I have been comforted by the lord. Several times, tonight for that matter. You may think it's silly but I was scared(haunted barn) tonight. And heavenly father comforted me through that. He is always there to help is even the silliest request. 
I don't share this story with many people but I would like to share it. It us close to my heart and means alot to me.  One night i was awfully upset.. So through my tears I prayed.. In my prayer I said "i miss my grandpa.. I wish i could talk to him now.. I need his comfort." that was the end. And heavenly father answered my prayer. For the rest of that night if i was ever upset my grandpas arms would be around me. 
I have had countless moments like this.. Through out my whole life. This is the reason I KNOW god lives and I KNOW he loves me. And he loves you. He has often calmed my soul and has showed me what to do in my times of need. God gives us trials to help us not to hurt us... Often times he will not make it go away, but it is always okay to ask for help. 

Sometimes god calms the storm... Sometimes he let's the storm rage and calms his child

butterflies..

i finally felt them agian... i missed that feeling.

This house doesnt feel like a home.

I wanna leave. You tell me stay then do things that only push me further away. The only thing holding me back is my dog. I love him too much to just leave. Even though it hurts me being here. You only tear me down. "according to you I'm stupid, I'm useless, I never do anything right" They say parents are right so i guess it's true. I'm useless, I'm the problem, If I was gone everything would be better. I guess that's okay. I can just leave and the problem will be gone. I wish I had a scholarship to BYUI then I would move out because I wouldn't have to save near as much money. Can't they see this is a stressful time for me, and they aren't helping. I need to apply for colleges and scholarships. I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE. I need someone to comfort me. So when I have nights like this they can say "that sucks I'm sorry" and just give me a big hug while I cry. It's nights like this I really miss him. I wish he still lived here. After having him for 2 years it's weird that he is gone. I need someone.. I'm sick of this place. I just wanna leave. 

hmmm..maybe

i feel weird
ive never needed a boy, but i have always had a crush on one
and now that there is no one to even like i feel a little down
i just want a cute boy to have a crush on, but there isnt one
cowboy if your out there you better come find me soon
im getting bored and a little lonley
it just doesnt make sense to me how there cant be a single likable boy at my school
not one
maybe there is one i just havent seen him yet
it is possible im just being picky, but usually im not the picky type
maybe its because i feel nothing will be better then one of my previous relationship so there is no point in looking
but i doubt that too
im sure it will all work out, and itll hit me when im not looking
so ill stop looking
ill stop wishing for someone to like
and then maybe, but just maybe it will happen
i guess we will see.

What if we treated our Book of Mormons like our cell phones?

Don't you wonder what would happen if we treated our Book of Mormon like we treat our cell phones? What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets? What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? What if we flipped through it several times a day?  What if we spent an hour or more using it several times a day? What if webworms and hour or more using it every day? What if revised it to receive messages from the "text"? What if we treated it line we couldn't live without it?  What if we gave it to kids as gifts? What if we used it as we traveled?  What if we used it in case of an emergency? Oh, and a few more things- Unlike our cell phones, one plan fits all.  Unlimited usage. No roaming charges. You always have reception. No weak signals AND we don't ever have to worry about our Book of Mormon being disconnected, because the savior already paid the bill!  -author unknown.

Truth is...

Truth is...

 Truth is I'm tired of coming in second 

Truth is I'm sick of not feeling good enough

Truth is I sometimes hurt.. Sometimes a lot 

Truth is I love my friends and family.. Even when they do things that bring me and my confidence down. 

Truth is I want to love everyone and I don't wanna judge

Truth is I like making new friends, and trying to be out going 

Truth is that's the hardest thing for me to do 

Truth is I wanna boy to like I wanna feel butterflies again. that little school girl feeling i love so much 

Truth is I feel alone a lot of the time and like I can't talk to anyone 

Truth is I know I can talk to my savior and that he knows the pain I'm feeling

Truth is I cry... I cry till it doesn't hurt anymore 

Truth is I hide the fact I cry because i am embarrassed  

Truth is I want to be a happy person. I want everyone to think of me as happy 

Truth is that isn't always easy for me to do

Truth is I wanna have fun while I'm still a kid

Truth is I don't wanna grow up and it scares the hell out of me

Truth is I'm thankful the atonement 

Truth is I'm sometimes tempted 

Truth is I sometimes give into temptation

Truth is I'm not perfect 

Truth is I'm only human

Truth is I'm doing the best I can 

live life through laughter.

today i learned alot about life and love.
i learned that life is too short
life can be full of happiness
and that love is unconditional.

on august 24 2011 a 25 year old daughter of god passed away from brain tumors. this beautiful women's name is lindsey kae robinson karr. despite her condition she was still the brightest and happiest girl you would ever see. she was kind to everyone around her and her love was unconditional.
from what i saw of lindsey she wasnt like anyone else.. she was happy no matter what the circumstances and that happiness was shared with others. even when she was ill she served everyon around her in anyway she could. her love was felt by everyone and in return she was loved as well.
at her funeral i had the opportunity to hear so many people talk about her and all the funny memeroies she made. she seemed to always be making everyone laugh. it was hard not to cry at her funeral cause she will truely be missed by all. it really is as if this world wont be the same without her bright eyes and radient smile. 
not only was she a good example to me, but her husband josh is amazing. her mother-in-law told a story about josh. how when he was four he saw his mom sick and wanted to stay home and take care of her. she told us how it was how he has always been, it was like he was meant to take care of her. she needed him and he needed her. she taught him how to love. she taught him what love is, and how actions speak louder then words. he served her as much as possible, and when it was time to say goodbye he learned he how to love her even more.
today was a sad but good day. the spirit was so strong and i know lindsey will be missed, she is loved, and she will be seen again one day. i can't wait to offically meet her. she changed the lives of many she didn't even know. she is the strongest, happiest, most beautiful girl i have ever seen. her influence on others to do good is so powerful. i want to be like her. i want to live life to the fullest, laugh uncontroablly, and love unconditionally.
"I have been blessed with the ability to see the humor in situations. To be able to laugh and to encourage those with me to laugh. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely days i when i cry as well. Yet i am able to move past the darker, gloomier clouds in my life and see sunshine. life is not so serious that we cant take a moment to enjoy blessings, or experience gratitude, or see the little funny things that happen on a daily basis. search for the erratic, the ironic, and the slapstick comedy of life. because you know what? Laughter truly is the best medicine." - lindsey kae robinson karr.
the thing i want to take most from lindsey is to live life throught laughter. there is never a good reason to be upset or grumpy so be happy.
R.I.P lindsey kae robinson carr
you will be missed.

her husband josh painted this amazing picture of her.

Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured-Presidnet Gordon B Hinkley

F.E.A.R.L.E.S.S. hahah

"be fearlesss. if you make only one resolution this year, let it be to live boldly. you control this moment. rather than cautiously test the water, dive straight into life with freeing abandon. imagine the person you want to be and the life you want to live, then simply commit to them. believe in yourself. embrace your beauty. discover a new passion. and whatever you do, wherever you go, don't be afraid to make a splash."

this years gonna be differnt. i have new expectations of myself. this year im not gonna care what people think of me im just gonna have fun. its my senior year and i want to live it fearless. often times when i hear the word fearless i think of someone who isnt scared of anything, but thats not true. becasue no one is fearless, we all have something that we are scared of. what it means to be fearless is to have courage. to do something no matter how scared you may be. courage is just fear holding on for a minute longer. something i have learned is we should always do what we are afraid to do. it could be being adventerous, or standing up for what we believe in but you should always do it. i dont want to look back on my life anymore and regret not doing the things i was too scared to do them.

just the other night thanks to my friend mareassa i did something fearless. something that i always wanted to do but thought i never would. it was a real eye opener to how i want this next year to be. its my senior year(my last year as a kid) i want to have fun. i want to make stupid mistakes. date LOTS of people. make new friends. not judge anyone. laugh way too much. cry all too little. forget about all the drama. realize that nothing really matters that much. years from now were gonna look back on all this drama and realize it was stupid and there was no need for it. well im ready for that now. i dont wanna grow up, but after this year i know im gonna have to. i will have fun and i wont let drama get in the way of that. i wont hate someone just because one of my friends does. ill be nice to everyone becuase there is never a good reason to be mean.
im ready to let go of everything and move forward being fearless. i want to be young and stupid because we only have one lifetime to do so. im ready to take chances. ready to say love me or hate me thats your choice, but i won't let it effect me. im ready to love myself, and every single person around me. im ready to not be so shy. im ready for this year. its going to be the best and i wont let anything get in the way of that. im gonna move forward being fearless.

and i dont know how it gets better then this

you take my hand and drag me head first

FEARLESS

and i dont know why but with you id dance in a storm

in my best dress

FEARLESS

i think a girl who really understands about being fearlesss is taylor swift. she is one amazing girl. i look up to her so much (as do several other teenage girls) . i love her. so this year i dare you to be daring. i dare you to be yourself, and love everyone regardless of what people think. i dare you to be happy. i dare you to live your life the way you want to.

Tender Mercies

we are sournded by tender mercies of the lord. they are all around us.
"But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverence."
tender mercies are not just coincidence. heavenly father sends them to us at exactly the right tima and exactly the right place. tender mercies are differnt for each of us. a tender mercy is a personaly blessing made individually for us. it is strength to help us through things. or simple reminders that he loves and cares for us. it is a comfort.
well last week during fast and testimony meeting brother don wharton got up and said "are you aware of tender mercies even when it hurts." its true though. when we lose someone we love do we dwell on the loss or the blessing they were to our lives. sometimes it can be hard ot see the positive but heavenly father sends us those tender mercies for a reason. so that when we can barely take anymore that one little thing keeps pushing us forward.
it got me thinking... what are some of my tender mercies.

repenting and being forgiven of sins
a boy i had good memories with who unexpectedly left
my dog who is there whenever i need a friend
driving with the windows down which so easily relieves my stress
friends who are there for me whenever i need a shoulder to cry on
work that takes my mind off things
a family that makes me laugh
the opportunity i have to get an education
going camping and enjoying gods creations around me
getting to know people who came into my life even though they left way too fast
country music that helps me express myself
the dream of one day being a cowgirl

the list goes on and on. it amazes me that god can send me so many tender mercies. they are the smallest and simplest things but they mean the world to me.  it amazes my how heavnly father knows exactly what i need to brighten my day. im so grateful for tender mercies, especailly when im sad cause that's when i really need it the most.

proud of you

missionary-someone who leaves their families for two years so that others may be with theirs for Eternity.

i just want to say how grateful i am for worthy preisthood holders in my life and all the wonderful boys around be that have been or are going on missions. wednesday morning one of my close friends derek collins leaves to go into the mtc. i am sad, but happy as well. i know he is giong to be a great missionary and bring many people to the knowledge of christ. i went to his farewell and he gave an amazing talk he shared a story that i really enjoyed and i would like to share it as well...

HE'S BEEN THERE BEFORE
By Elder Troy Whittle,
Texas, Houston Mission
The alarm rings at 6:30; I stumble to my feet.
I grab my companion's bedding and pull off his sheet.
A groan fills the room, is it already time to arise?
It seems like just a second ago I was able to shut my eyes.
The morning activities follow - study, prayer, and such.
When it's time to leave the apartment, you feel you haven't accomplished much.
"We have a super day planned," my comp says with a grin.
I lowly utter a faithless breath, "Yeah, if anyone lets us in."
With the word of God and my faithful Schwinn, we ride off in the street
Prepared to face another day of humidity and heat.
It's 9:30 in the evening, the day is almost through;
My companion and I are riding home, not accomplishing what we thought to do.
We ride up to the mailbox, hoping to receive a lot.
Only to look inside and hear my echo reverberate "Air Box."
We go up to our apartment, the day is now complete.
The only thing to show for our work is a case of blistery feet.
It's past 10:30 PM, my companion is fast asleep.
Silence engulfs me all about and I begin to weep.
In the midst of sadness, I kneel down to pray;
I need to talk to Father, but I'm not sure what to say.
"Oh, Father," I begin, "What happened to us today?
I thought we'd teach somebody, but everyone was away.
My hands, my aching hands - worn, hurt and beat;
If our area was any smaller, we'd have knocked every street."
"Why on missions are the days so much alike?
The only difference about today was the flat tire on my bike.
Will you send some cooler weather? The heat is killing me.
I sweat so bad, it gets in my eyes; It's very hard to see."
"Why do I have to wear a helmet, isn't your protection enough?
People always laugh at me and call me stupid stuff.
Please send us investigators so I may give them what they lack;
I want to give them Books of Mormon, the weight of them hurts my back."
"And what about my family? They don't have much to say,
I'm sick of not hearing from home, day after day after day.
Oh Father, why am I here, am I just wasting time?
Sometimes I just want to go home, I'm sorry but that's on my mind."
"My companion, Heavenly Father, what are you giving me?
The way he rides his bicycle, I don't think he can see.
Now you have it, I can't go on, I don't know what to do;
That, my Father in Heaven, is the prayer I have for You."
My prayer now finished I stand up, then jump right into bed.
I need my rest for tomorrow; we have another long day ahead.
Sleep starts to overtake me, I seem to drift away,
Then it seems a vision takes me to another time and another day.
I'm standing alone on the hill, the view is very nice;
A man walks towards me and says, "My name is Jesus Christ."
Tears of joy well up inside, I fall down to His feet,
"Arise," He states, "Follow Me to the shade - you and I need to speak."
My attention's toward the Savior, total and complete.
He says, "Your mission is similar of what happened to Me,
I understand how you feel, I know what you're going through;
In fact it would be fair to say I've felt the same as you."
"I even know how you felt when no one listened to you.
At times I felt not quite sure what else I could do.
I know you don't like to ride a bicycle, for you a car would be sweet;
Just remember the donkey I rode wasn't equipped with 21 speeds."
"I understand you don't like sweating, in fact it's something you hate;
I remember when I sweat blood from every pore, oh the agony was great!
I see you don't like your companion - you'd rather have someone else.
I once had a companion named Judas who sold my life for wealth."
"It's hard to wear a helmet and have people make fun of you.
I remember when they put thorns on my head and called me King of the Jews.
So you feel burdened down by the weight of your pack.
I recall how heavy the cross was when they slammed it on my back."
"Your hands hurt from tracting and knocking on doors all day.
I guess when they pounded nails into mine, I ached in a similar way.
It's hard not to hear from home when your family's not there to see;
I lost my communication on the cross and cried, "Father, why hast Thou forsaken Me."
He embraced me with His arms, His light filled me with His love,
With tears in my eyes I watched as He went back to the Father above.
I stood with awe and wonder when a beep rang in my head,
I listened and heard the alarm, then realized I was in my bed.
My companion let out a groan, "6:30 already, no way!"
I sat up and said, "Come on, I'll even carry your scriptures today!"
No matter what we go through, when we feel we can't take more,
Just stop and think about Jesus Christ, He has been there before.

sometimes i dont think we realize how much really has been and is sacraficed for this church. christ suffered a great deal for us and i will always be grateful that i can use the atonement becuase of him
it isn't easy being a  missionary yet its the best two years of most young mens lifes. sometimes the hardest things in life mean the most to us. i can garuntee though that the sacrifice is worth it. "if Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him."-C.T. Studd  i love this quote because its so true. if Jesus can suffer for all of our sins then i can sure do anything i can to repay him. i am just thankful for the boys in my life doing that or who have done that.

Elder Derek Scott Collins... Imma miss you! thanks for being such a good friend. work just isnt the same without you. gonna miss all the fun times we had, cant wait to make more memories in two years. thanks for being such a good example and listening when i needed someone to listen. thanks for the advice you gave, and the jokes you cracked. ill write you, and draw you pictures and such... cant wait to see you in two years. miss ya already. - laur.

someone else im also very proud of.. Austin Wood. he is now in the marines and i just got my first letter from him a few days ago. very grateful for boys like him willing to go out and serve/protect our country. it is not easy. they need the best so training is hard. i look up to him for what he is doing. i came across a poem the other day that reminded me of him..

If I ever go to war

If I ever go to war Mom, Please don’t be afraid.

There are some things I must do, To keep the promise that I made.

I’m sure there will be some heartache, And I know that you’ll cry tears,

But your son is a Soldier now, Mom, There is nothing you should fear.

If I ever go to war Dad, I know that you’ll be strong.

But you won’t have to worry, Cause you taught me right from wrong.

You kept me firmly on the ground, yet still taught me how to fly.

Your son is a Soldier now Dad, I love you Hooah, Even if I die.

If I ever go to war Bro, There are some things I want to say.

You’ve always had my back, and I know it’s my time to repay.

You’ll always be my daybreak, through all of life’s dark clouds,

Your brother is a Soldier now, Bro, I promise I’ll make you proud.

If I ever go to war Sis, don’t you worry bout me,

I always looked out for you, but I can't do that anymore,

Cause I'm a big bro to all in America.

I love you so much and you know that, Your brothers a soldier now Sis,

So wipe your eyes, I'll be fine even if I die.

If I ever go to war my Friends, We’ll never be apart,

Though we may not meet again, I’ll hold you in my heart.

Remember all the times we had, Don’t let your memories cease,

Your friend is a Soldier now, Dear Friend, And I’ll die to bring you peace.

And when I go to heaven, And see that pearly gate,

I’ll gladly decline entrance, Then stand my post and wait.

I’m sorry Sir I can’t come in, I’m sort of in a bind,

You see I’m still a Soldier Sir, So I can’t leave them behind.

we really do recieve so much service from the young men in our days. either it s a mission or serveing the country either way im very gratful. love you aust and derek!!! thanks for all you do to help me. you boys are like brothers. you mean the world to me.

My Future Is Bright

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were thing like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.
When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!
This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.
So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know."

the thing i hate about getting older is people always ask what do you wanna be when you grow up, where do you wanna go to school, what do you want to study, and in all honesty i dont know. when ever i am asked these questions a sick feeling enters my stomach. well one night after i had been  asked these questions i was doing my daily scripture study. i was reading a talk by thomas s monson called be of good cheer. as i was reading it i came across something that i really liked and was very comforting. it said "my beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. be of good cheer. the future is as bright as your faith." after reading this a calming feeling came over me. as long as i keep my faith strong my future will have a good ending. so what am i going to do to keep my faith strong? im gonna follow the five steps to happiness

the five steps to happiness
one.set standards
two.pray
three.read scriptures
four.go to church
five.serve

now im excited for the future and i dont care what it brings because i know i will be fine no matter what. my faith is strong so i KNOW my future will be bright. i hope i never forget this.
now its not such a scary thing to think about growing up. especially when i know heavenly father will be with me every step of the way. if i ever dont know what to do all i simply have to do is kneel down.
even though im not scared for the future i still wonder what it holds for me. will i have to work or will i be a stay at home mom like ive always dreamed of being. who will my husband be..do i alreay know him? will my wedding day be perfect, or will almost everything go completely wrong. i guess only time can tell.
i want my husband to be a worthy preisthood holder who can take me to the temple. i wont settle for anything less. i always see newly weds and they are so cute. i hope people think that of me when i walk in to sacrament holding my hubby's hand. i hope he is worhty at all times to give me a preisthood blessing and always stays strong in the church. i want him to respect everyone and not care what everyone else thinks of him. i want him to be a happy person who makes me happy as well. i want him to be my best friend. i want him to bring out the best in me. i want him to be patient and slow to anger. i want him to notice the small and simple things like i do that mean the world to me.  i want him to take me on dates atleast once a week. and we HAVE to go to the temple every week as well. the way you get closer to your spouse is by becoming closer to god.
i hope im a cool mom and that my kids friends like me. i hope my kids feel comfortable telling me anything they need i hope they know i will love them no matter what. i hope im a good mom and teach my kids what they need to know. i hope they stay strong in the church. "There is no greater joy then to know my children walk in faith." i want to teach my kids how to be hard workers, that honesty is the best policy, and that if they ever need one im there for them and so i christ. i hope my kids will know how to show their emotions and express themselves. i hope my family always has what they need. and maybe even sometimes what they want.
i hope for the best. which is what we all hope for the best. but im going to have the best because jesus christ and heavenly father will be on my side. yea im gonna have trials. we all will. it is just a test of our faith, but  if we remain strong with that faith our future will only be better. even if i dont have everything i hope for in my future i know it will be great. because your future is only as bright as your faith. and mine seems to just keep getting brighter!!(;

hmmm..this weekend

this weekend my family went camping, and i learned something about myself. i am a very easy girl to please. the smallest things can make me happy. like driving slow on a old dirt road, windows down, and country music playing softly in the background. having my brother teach me how to drive a shift four wheeler, or having him drive me around on the four wheeler scaring the pants off me. going fishing. going hiking. watching the sunrise/suset. a sweet, innocent kiss. sitting by a campfire. looking at the stars. playing with my best friend max. hearing the birds chirp in the morning when i wake up. holding hands with a cute boy. basically what im getting at is heavenly father gives us so many beautiful things that we can enjoy. most of them are free too. it bugs me(and i know it shouldn't but it does) when people drive fast through canyons. you drive past so many beautiful things and you don't even take the time to look. we need to learn to enjoy the simple things and realize we don't NEED money to have fun. you don't need anything except for yourself. go on a walk and notice all the beauty around you. green leaves on a tree, pretty flowers, blue sky, the list goes on and on. sometimes all we really need to do is slow down. take a few minutes to enjoy things instead of always being in a hurry.  life it too short to not realize all the beauty god has placed around you.

life. that is something else i learned alot about this weekend. our neighbors that we went with their dog of 12 years died monday afternoon. i have known this dog for 11 years and feel like he was one of my own. it just seems like he should still be here. he has always been a good dog and it is going to be weird not seeing him around the neighborhood. i feel bad for jim(dad of the neighbor family) buck was his best friend for 12 years): its hard to even lose a best friend you've had for a year, so i can't even imagine 12. the kids were all sad. we made him a grave, and most of us cried. r.i.p buck-a-roo  you will be dearly missed. even though i am sad he is gone. it was a good place for him to go. out in the wilderness were he loved so much to be. can't wait till i can see him in heaven again some day. i remember one day mareassa mayo and i were fighting over a stick(lame i know, but we were having fun) when buck came over. we feaked out because we thought it was a bear. i also remember playing fetch with buck(he loved that) and the stick got stuck in the tree and he would not leave that tree till he got that stick out. and he did. he was very determined. something that i should try to be more. keep trying until i get the job done. one reason i was so sad about buckie is because as we laid him to rest, memories flooded my mind of when we buried our dog ridge. unlike buck ridges death was unexpected. he got hit by a car. when i first found out it didn't sink in. not till i got home and he wasn't there wagging his tail when i walked in the door. it killed me to see him go. alot of people may think that's dumb and that he was just a dog. but he meant alot to me. he was the dog that would lick the tears from my face when i cried. i truely believe god sent him into my family to comfort me in my time of need. even if he was only here for a short time. i also believe that ridge dying(and the many dogs we have had before him) helped me or will help me. losing the dogs we have had has taught me how to grieve, which isn't always a bad thing. if we never felt sadness we would never know happiness.

i know this is kind of random and im just rambling. but this is what i learned this weekend and i wanted to share it.

Change.

Change- The result of alteration or modification.

" Any change, even change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."

Things are constantly changing, and as time goes on people change too. Some for bad, and some for good. Most the time we don't even realize that we have changed, until it is mentioned, or we realize what we are doing. I am okay with change. Change in all things is sweet. In fact I think it is a good thing that we change, even if it is for the bad. Because when we change for the bad we learn things, and learn about the worst person we can be, and we strive to be better. Or atleast I do. I have seen the worst person I can be (or pretty close to the worst) and I don't like that me. I want to be different, I want to change. I want to strive to "be the change i want to see in the world."  The changes I want to see in the world are hard workers, service, kindness, respectful, and of course honesty. I strive to be these things, and I am working on changing to be that way, but it isn't alwasy easy. One day im sure ill get the hang of it.

Sometimes it can be hard to see people change. It hurts sometimes to see them change for the worst, and then watch them leave your life. There has been one person in my life that has been the hardest to see change and leave, especailly because I feel i was the one who changed him for the worst. It can be hard feeling like you screwed up someone else's life. We have to remember though that it was their choice to change, and only they can decide. We can have a big influence but in the end the choice is ALWAYS theirs. I pray for him still, I pray for alot of people who aren't apart of my life anymore. I pray that maybe one day they will change again, only this time for soemthing bettter.  I hope for the best for them.

If your going to change it MUST be for yourself. You are the only person you should change for. No one else should be the determining factor. If you think the change will make you happier/better person/or just plain good then do it. What do you have to lose? So what if it is hard, it will be worth it! I know that for a fact, I speak from experience.

Just try your best. Be the best you that you can be, and realize that, that is something you should never be ashamed of.

Honesty Is THE Best Policy.

Honesty is the best policy. This is a phrase I have heard several times, but how many of us acctually live it?
Being honest isn't always easy, in fact alot of the time it can be hard or maybe even scary. It is however always worth it. Dishonesty brings us down, makes us feel guilty, and can sometimes be just as hard as telling the truth. Like they always say, if you tell a lie it can be hard to keep your story straight, and very hard to get out of.
"Every act of dishonesty has at least two victims: the one we think is the victim, and the perpetrator as well. Each little dishonesty makes another little rotten spot somewhere in the perpratrator's psyche."

 Now I know I have told my fair share of lies, and as I look back on them I feel regret, and ashamed. Some of the lies I have told are things I just cant get out of my head. They haunt me and I think about them alot. Even though I have told lies I also know I have told alot more truths, which makes me feel a little bit better.
What does honesty mean anyway? To me there are 4 main things to being completely honesty. They are...
1.Being truthful to others
2.Being truthful to yourself
3.Doing what's right regardless of who is around.
4.Being someone others can trust.

These are the things I want to be. I want to be marked by truth, so that everyone I come into contact with knows that they can trust me. I want people to feel secure with me and know that no matter what I will be real with them. From now on i want to put honesty first. I want it to be my first priority, put it before everything else. I want to be genuine, sweet, and honest. Not just with certain people either. With EVERYONE.  "Honest hearts produce honest actions."-Brigham Young

We must also be honest in our work. This means working to the best of your ability to earn your wages. This isnt always easy, somedays we dont want to work at all. I try to work as hard as i can in all that i do. This means no goofing off, no texting, etc. There is a time and a place for everything and its your job to realize when things are and aren't appropriate.

The time i remember being honest the most was in Mr. Mecham's Biology class with my friend Tiff Allen. Mr. Mecham as old and never noticed that almost everyone in the whole class would cheat. So Tiff being the amazing girl that she is started a IWNC club. We would write IWNC on our hand as a reminder that we would be honest, and try our hardest. Sometimes it was tempting to cheat when we didn't study, but the important thing is we didn't. I often think back on this experience and wonder if Tiff wasn't in that class would I have been strong enough to not cheat on my own? I would like to say yes, but in all honesty I know that i wouldn't have. That is something that has to change. Im not always going to have someone holding my hand the whole way. I have to become strong by myself and have the cour to really stand up and be honest, even when no one else did.

Honesty isn't just what we say, it is about what we do too. Actions speak louder then words so it really is true you need to have integrity in all that you do. And it is almost NEVER easy to do that. Satan wants to make it as hard as possible, he wants  you to feel that pressure to cheat, lie, steal, or whatever it may be. We just have to be strong enough to say  no. I know I want to be honest. When people think of me I want to be thought of as "Lauren Hone Marked by Truth." I want to be trustworthy. I want people to know that if I did something wrong  I will confess to it no matter what it may be.
"Every one of us lives just once; if we are honest, to live once is enough."

Life is all about the choices and attitude. Make the right choices, keep a posative attitude. Remember honesty truely is the best policy and im striving to live that way. Honesty in all that I do.

Overcoming Opposition

We all have struggles and problems. Each and every single one of us. They may be health problems, emotional problems, mental problems, social problems, or even maybe spiritual problems. They are all there for a reason. Often times when we struggle we ask "Why me?" Well I say why not you, God gave you this to help you, in one way or another it is here for your benefit. Yes I will admit I have asked "Why me?" too many times too count, but I can also count blessings that came from those trials as well.

This is what we talked about in church today. Something that was also brought up was why a butterfly can not simply turn from a catapillar to a butterfly, and why it must go throught the proccess of a crysalis and cacoon. It was said that a butterfly must work it's own way out of a cacoon, even though it is hard for it. The reason for this is so that the butterfly can one day fly. If the butterfly just simply fell out of the cacoon it would not develope the strenght in it's wings to be able to fly. Instead it must us its wings and try its hardest to break free. This makes the butterfly stronger.

Us going through trials is kind of like being a butterfly. That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I read something from President Thomas S, Monson that i really like. It says:

"Life is FULL of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature. There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required."

What this means to me is that we have to be patient, wait for the trial to pass, and learn as much as we can along the way. God is always there to help us when we need him all we simply have to do is pray. He loves us, and will NEVER give us more then we can handle. He can see the big picture. He knows our limits alot better then we do, and he will push us so that we can be better. "Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over till the moment you stop trying."

Put the Past Behind You.

mistake - a wrong action attributable to bad judgment or ignorance or inattention

-Swami Sivananda : "Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future."


I have made pleanty of mistakes, and I know i will continue to make many more. All I really hope for is that I am not dumb enough to do the same thing over and over again. I want to be smart enough to know that something is wrong, and not let it happen again.
-Proverb : "By ignorance we mistake, and by mistakes we learn"
I not only wanna be smart enough to learn from my mistakes, but also learn from others. I also hope that my own mistakes aren't just for my benefit, but others as well. This is why I would like to share my mistakes. So maybe someday  others will learn/benefit from them. At least then my mistakes won't be completely pointless.

1. Steady dating in high school. NOT WORTH IT!!! I know we hear that all the time, but take it from someone who knows. I wouldn't say i wasted two years on one boy, because I did gain some good memories. But i could have had alot more, with alot of different people too. Steady dating in high school only leads to trouble, pain, and heartache. There is a simple solution. Don't do it. Date around and have fun. Kiss a boy, kiss a few. Your never gonna get the chance to be in high school again, your never gonna be this young and foolish. Make a few small mistakes, and learn from them. Date every boy/girl you can, becuase your not gonna get chances like these every again. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

2. Act don't React. High school drama has many times caused me to react instead of acting. And it is so dumb. The drama now that will not even matter in the future has caused my to make choices to tear people down, and accuse them of being in the wrong. Maybe they were, but so was I. We need to learn to act and just walk away. Instead of reacting and having a tizzy fit. We have to take a step back, look at the story from both sides, and realize that it really isn't worth it. The prettiest lips speak only kind words. I haven't always been good at that. I have said rude things to people i feel hurt or threatend by, but that doesn't make it okay. I want to be remembered as the sweetheart girl who was nice to everyone. Hopefully i still have time to fix that.

3. ALWAYS be worthy to have a temple reccomend. Going to the temple is so important, and it sucks when you can not go.  If you aren't worthy to go then fix it! Do whatever it takes and i promise you that its worth it. Do not give into temptation and sin. Think about not sinning, and once you have sinned do whatever it takes to fix it, The temple is a beautiful place and you should go as often as you can. Even if you cant go inside, then go to the temple grounds. The lords spirit dwells out there too.

Those were some mistakes I have lived and learned from, but i would like to but the negative things from them in the past, and hopefully those i meet can do the same, because no one is perfect and we all make mistakes.

You have to over look what people have done in the past, and learn to love them for who they have become. Put your past behind you, and do the same for otheres.

I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus.

I am constantly working hard at trying to be like Jesus, and it isn't easy. I know I'm not perfect like him, and i know I will mess up(A LOT), but I think it should count for something that I truely am trying.
I have met many people in my life who also have this as their number one goal, and they have been huge examples for me. They may not know it, but things they have said have truely changed my life forever. Their impact on me has been huge. As I think about this it helps me realize what a big deal it is that I am an example of Christ. Because I never know who's life I will change for the better.
If i am constantly trying to live like Christ it is going to effect everyone around me. Christ was nice to everyone, and if im trying to be like him I will be that too. That means smiling and waving to those you don't know on the street, because you dont know what they are going through. That means service, and alot of it too!! It means loving everyone as Jesus has loved you, and Happiness. Being happy is very important. With a good attitude you will uplift those around you. instead of bringing them down. Everything will always turn out better if you have a smile on your face, and a good attitude.
Christ was always loving, forgiving, teaching, serving, grateful, happy, and that is the way i am striving to be.

Im trying to be like Jesus
Im following in his ways
Im trying to love as he did
In all that i do and say
At times i am tempted to make a wrong choice

But i try and listen as the still small voice whispers
Love one another as Jesus loves you
Try to show kindness in all that you do
Be thankful and loving in deed and in thought
For these are the things Jesus Taught.

Here is a talk I read that is definetly worth your time.
Jesus A Perfect Leader by Spencer W. Kimball

Robert The Cowboy.

I just wanted to say thanks to my Friend Robert.. Recently he took a look at The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Although he doesnt have the same beliefs about it as i do i am still very grateful for him taking a look. It truely means alot to me. I stilll love him like a brother even though he doesnt believe the same thing as me. i was taught to love someone even if our feelings on things are the same.
"As i have loved you, Love one another." Robert is a great guy and I'm thankful for the opportunity God has given me to get to know him. So thanks Robert. Your like a brother. Love ya Bro... XXX

Youth Confrence 2011

Come Follow Me As I Follow Christ
(The reason the I is red is because in WWII men had a red one on their shoulder and if you followed them they lead you away from danger. We being leaders of Christ also want to lead you away from danger.)

Youth Conferenc 2011 was amaizng.

I am on the Stake Youth Council and I had the honor of helping plan this wonderful weekend. Its not that the activites were even better then all the other years of youth conference. This year i just had the most amazing attitude!  Let me give you a run through of what happened.

Day 1:
We met at the church where i then conducted in front of 300 or so youth and gave a quick talk... My talk Said: "This week the youth of our stake were challanged to read the talk 'Jesus: The Perfect Leader' by President Spencer W. Kimball. I would like to read the part to you that stood out most to me.

Each of us has more opportunities to do good and to be good than we ever use. These

opportunities lie all around us. Whatever the size of our present circle of effective influence, if we

were to improve our performance even a little bit, that circle would be enlarged. There are many

individuals waiting to be touched and loved if we care enough to improve in our performance.

We must remember that those mortals we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere

are that portion of mankind God has given us to love and to serve.

Being leaders of christ means making a difference to everyone around you. I know its hard but for the next few days I would like to challange all of you to step outside of your friend group and get to know someone new. Touch other peoples lives as well as your own."

Then  we introduced the speaker. This marvoulous mans name was Brother Kelly Ogden. He spoke to us on being happy!!! He told us that our God is a happy God and he wants us to be happy too. We talked about how happiness is always a choice no matter what the curcimstances/situation. If you have a good attitude your going to have fun, and why wouldnt you want to have a good  attitude? You could either sit around and complain about something you have to do anyway, or you could have a good time doing it. The choice is always yours.  God put the phrase "cheer up" or "be of good cheer" 12 times in the scriptures. Obviously he wants us to be happy. So choose to be. Like President Hinkley said "Don't be a pickle sucker." It was a good way to start off youth conference. With the encouragement to have a good attitude.
After Brother Kelly Ogdens talk we all got in cars and drove up to Salt Lake City. Our first stop was Globus International. What we did there was box up usable medical items, and clothers. The medical items will go all over the world and most of the clothes were sent to tornado victims in Missouri. It was a very neat experience, we helped alot of people.
After the service project we then headed up to Utah State University were we would be staying. We had an amazing lunch and then went to listen to a speaker. He spoke to us about using the media to help spread missionary work. He told us about sites like http://mormon.org/ , using facbook/texting to share testimonies. It was a very good talk. We Then had a 30 minute break, I crashed on the couch. I was exhausted.

We then had Brother John Bytheway come speak to us and he did an amazing job he talked to us about the articles of faith whcih are.

1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.

3. We believe that through the atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.

7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.

8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.

11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul--We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

-Joseph Smith

He taught us that Articles 1-12 is what we believe, and Article 13 is becoming what we believe. Believeing and Being are two whole different things. You can believe in honesty, but are you honest yourself? He also encouraged us to not follow others of the world, dare to be different. He showed a picture of a bunch of sheep running off a cliff. A lot fo them couldnt see the cliff becuase there were so many sheep in front of them, but one sheep was going the other direction saying "excuse me, excuse me, excuse me." He compared it to us and told us to ne the sheep going the oppaisite way and set an example to others to follow. You always have people watching you, and your always going to have people following you. So be sure to lead them in the right direction.

After John Bytheway we played water games. It was a blast. Flirting with boys, soaking my bishop as he sprayed us all with a hose, water game races, and much more. Many had fun and a few didn't. This is their own fault for the unwillingness to participate.  After water games we went and got ready for dinner/the dance. (while i got ready my mom had to blow dry my bra. haha) The food all weekend was awesome. it always tasted so good!!! After we ate we then went to the dance. I daanced every slow song and encouraged all the boys I know to dance with someone each slow song. I danced with the most amazing guy, but ill tell you more about him later. After the dance the SYC members stayed to help clean up. After we got everything all clean i walked back to the dorms with Blake, Skyler, Adam, Heather, and Jessica. I had so much fun with them. Those two girls know how to have fun, and the boys are gentlemen and very respectful to women. I love being a memeber of the Stake Youth Council. I stayed up all night with Jessica, Maddy, and McCall. Those girls are like my 3 little sisters. I love them all dearly! 

Day 2:

Kay Lynn, My Mom (Vicki), Me, Jessica

We all woke up and hiked Ensign peak. It was amazing looking over he SLC valley when we reached the top. It was gorgeous. After we finished hiking down we ate the most amazing breakfast burritos. I hate breakfast burritos, but these were good!! Then we began hiking down to temple square. All along the way we had speaker talk to us, but the one i remember most was about a man who would walk 22 miles to work on the temple because it was his calling. Well one day the man was milking his cow and she kicked him, they had to amputate his leg. He then carved himself a fake leg and limped 22 miles to the temple and 22 miles back home. This strong man reminds me of the quote given by John Taylor "If you do not magnify your callings, God will hold you responsible for those whom you might have saved had you done your duty." This man must have been a strong believer of that. Im glad I got to help plan this youth conference i hope that i also did magnify my calling.
After this hike we then again ate lunch and then had a rotation of activities. I however didnt get to participate in the activities because last minute I was in charge of one. I was in charge of games, and it was a blast. Each game group that came through the rotation was different. Some would be more willing to participate, and some even got crazy and almost out of hand. I had fun though. After this we all headed home and met for dinner. We ate again and then had an amazing analogy and testimony meeting.  The analogy was for the atonement. Rememeber how i said id talk about that boy later. well now is the time.

Skyler and Me

A man named Bishop Bentley taught the analogy. It started like this. "Who wnats a doughnut?" Almost everyone raised their hand (excpet me cause i hate doughnuts) Then he said. "Who will do 10 Pushups for a doughnut?" He then called an amazing boy named Skyler Payne up. Skyler stood on the stage with him. He then started reading names off a list, and one by one people would come up. Each person he would ask.."Do you want a doughnut?" They would answer "Yes." He would then turn to Skyler and ask "Skyler will you do ten push ups so this person may have a doughnut." This went on for about 45 minutes. Soon people started saying they didnt want a doughtnut because they didnt wanna see Skyler suffer, but Skyler had to do 10 push ups anyway for a doughnut they didnt even want. This was to shos that Christ suffered for all our sins. Even the ones willing to waste the atonement and not use it to repent. It was hard to see Skyler suffer as he did around 410 push ups, but he changed alot of peoples lives as did Bishop Bently. It was an amazing way to end youth conference.

Youth conference was an amazing experience and i can honestly say it turly strengthed my testimony of christ, and also my testimony of the effects good freinds have on you.

COME FOLLOW ME AS I FOLLOW JESUS CHRIST.