this week at work i met the most incredibly man.. his name was cal packer. now i only talked with him for 15-20 minutes, but he has changed my life forever. he came in to buy some shrubs, but it was hard to know what he wanted. you see cal's vocal cord snapped and he has a hard time talking, and people have an even harder time understanding. cal told me about his life, and im glad i took the time to hear it. he told me about his wife, and how she sent him out on a mission for two years and waited till her returned. they are old now and she is in a wheel chair, but he takes care of her. he then quoted a scripture to me.. proverbs 3:5-6 "trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." he was the sweetest man with the biggest heart, and i hope one day i will be able to meet him again. i hope that one day i will have a man like him, that will take care of me when im old and frail. because that is what love is really about. its about someone who is willing to do anything for you even if it hurts them. someone willing to give it their all, for all of time and eternity. he also reminded me that God can help us with anything, and if we dont know what to do he does, because he knows it all.  thanks cal for the sweet simple reminders

you may think im old fashioned, but to be honest i kind of am. i don't like all of this technology, i know it has its pros but it has a lot of cons too. sometimes... well actually all the time, i wish i lived in old western times. when boys tipped there hats when you walked by, and if they had something they really wanted to tell you they would track you down. cell phones make it too easy to talk to someone, especilly texting. i can't tell you how many times someone has texted me before talked to me in person, or only texted me and never talked to me in person at all. people even say things that they wouldn't normally because texting makes it easier to do so. i wish people now days had guts. guts to talk to me and ask me for my number instead of getting it off facebook. guts to walk up and as a girl on a date instead of texting me and asking... i absolutely hate cell phones.. i think they are important for very few things.. like emergencies, or keeping in touch with those who are far away. but it drives me absolutely insane how addicted people are to their phones. i hate when your hanging out with people and their are on their phones. when im with someone and they are on their phone it just shows me who or what their first priority is. it is their phone or the person that they are texting, what i have to say is unimportant. i just dont understand why texting is so important to us. would it be that hard for us to simply put our phones down and get to know the people we are with. people are always changing and you can always learn somthing new from them, you just have to pay attention and take the time to listen. what if someone was upset, but you never noticed because you couldnt look up from your phone long enough to see what was the matter.  i hate texting, i hate the fact that i turn to my phone when im bored. it bugs me that i do that. im not saying we shouldnt use our phones because thats not it at all. but would it really kill us or be that hard to keep it in our pockets when we are with people. show poeple how much they really do mean to  you. listen to them with out the interruption of a cell phone.

your my best friend:)

recently i discovered this thing called urban dictionary.. its a dictionary for "slang", but then i started typing names into it. like
Sage:"he is one of the most amazing guys you'll ever meet. he is an intelligent individual and is fun to be around. Sage is someone who is unlike anyone. he is best described as a hipster. he has random moments and laughs at things not many other people will. sage is a guy you can trust and count on. his smile will brighten your day no matter what. his hugs are amazing. they'll make you feel like not letting go. sage is someone who doesnt like to see the person he cares about down. hes definatly a guy you'll be sure to fall in love with because he is truly awesome."
there was also "fine as hell" and "a cool maintained attitude iwth thriving luck with sexuality. often trying new things with no fear. a person well liked by everyone. on everybodyes good side no matter what"
Then we looked up Matt his said
Matt:"a cute, adorable, sweet, random. funny, weird, and slightly insane boy. can make you smile no matter what is goin on or how mad you are at him and will make you cry at the littlest things. he shows equal affection to every girl he knows, and because of that will probably end up breaking your heart. hes a lover not a fighter, but doesnt know ow powerful his words can be. he always things hes done something wrong or screwd up in some way. he will always keep you wondering what is going on inside his head. and always keep you wondering on wheather or not waht hes saying is true. you will love and hate him all at the same time. but you will never want to leave him" there was also "an incredible guy. amazing in everysense hes a smooth talker, but he means everything he says hell treat you like a princess, has an adorable laugh and a bright smile. usually very cheerful and optimistic, despite how horrible the situation may be. can be harsh attimes for good reasons, but the amazing qualities cancel that out. the name matt means gift of god" and "matt. their names are common but they are rare. amazing kissers. perfect in everyway. usually tall and blonde."

haha i think some of these things are dead on. matt and sage are my best friends and i am so grateful for them. they have been here for me at the most crucial of times. and i will always be there for them. i love hanging out with boys. there are so many benefits to having boys as best friends rather then girls
1. they dont start rummors for no reason, or like they would say(sarcastically)"oh ya cause we just talk mad shit all the time"
2.they keep your secrets
3.they dont pms and are never rude unless you do something to piss them off
4.they wont try and steal the guy you like
5.they arent two faced
6.they stick up for you no matter what

 i love my two best friends. the only negative of having two boys as best friends is they wont take pictures with you. what stinkers! i am so glad that i can count on them. they are truly amazing and i am so grateful for them.

country must be country wide

i love being out in the country, and im not in it near enough. but when i am it usually turns out being the best day ever. a few weeks ago i went out to five mile with my friends angie and melia. we werent out there long, but it was worth it. and the cabelas trip after was mighty fine. we had fun:)
then last sunday my dad, brother, and i took our dogs out hiking. we were up in the mountains for about three hours. it was so relaxing and they dogs loved it. i cant wait for summer when i can do that more often.
and then yesterday my two best friends took me out west to go shooting. and i had a blast. yesterday was absolutely perfect, besides the fact Matt had to get stiches. he will get a awesome scar though. i shot the twenty-two and actually hit a few things. Sage shot the shot gun and made Matt deaf. and both their ears were ringing after shooting the 357 mag. then we hiked around for a little bit. when we got home while matt was getting stiches i looked at pictures of sage when he was little. they were quite cute.
lately all i listen to is country. im absolutely in love with it. there is so much you can learn from country music. like "dont blink, life goes faster then you think", "never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy", "its always your favorite sins that do you in", "lifes too easy to be so damn complicated." almost every country song can teach you something and i love it.

I was wrong. There is no way your losing me. Today after your game I realized how much I like you still.. I think this is just how you get when baseball rolls around. But I'll put up with it if it means I get to be with you!

he has been so cute lately, it's like all of the sudden things have completely changed. when two people hurt me who i thought never would did he was there for me.. he stood up for me and let me know how much he loves me.. and it meant a lot. lately he ask me how things are going and he makes sure that i am alright. he gives me hugs goodbye and tells me that he loves me, and he has no idea how much it means to me. right now he is exactly what i need. i wish i had my best friend to tell her about all the cute and simple things he says and does, but i dont. he is really the only one i can talk to about everything. it amazes me how fast things can change, and how bad the things people say can hurt.

today i saw a kid i used to know in jr high. he used to be such a good, he made such good choices. when i saw him today i was shocked. i never thought he'd be the one to do drugs. it doesnt make him a bad kid. it just makes me wonder what happened in his life to get him to that point. then i started thinking about my own life. i thought about my trials and how my life would be different if i had never experienced them. or even just how i handled my trials. at what point did they completely break me, and at won't point did i decide i was stronger than that and ready to try again. or what if when they broke me i never got back up. what kind of life would i be living, what path would i be on? it is crazy what defines us, and who can have influences on us.

something else i was thinking about today, i read a quote and it made me realize something. "Thats the thing about people who mean everything they say. they think everyone else does too."-Amir from the kite runner. i was thinking maybe people like that know you dont mean it, but if you have to lie to them to make yourself feel better then maybe they just let you get away with it. thats what i do. when someone lies to me, i usually know it. i just let them get away with it becasue if they need that to build them up, then why would i want to tear them down. i try to always give people the beneifit of the doubt and it hurts when they take advantage of that.

this is completely random, but its how i feel lately.

remember that day i didnt go to school because i was having a hard day, and you came over and you let me talk to you and cry.. and you were just there for me.. you skipped school because i needed you. i miss that and i would hope that if i needed that again you would do that, but i dont know if you would. i just hope you would. imissyou..

I am so grateful for my dad and all that he does for me. Life without him is unimaginable. He is such a hard worker and he has and will always be a family man. the song family man by cragi campbell really does describe him.. he has always made sacrafices for us, and those around him. he is quick to serve and will always help anyone in need. he has been a huge example in my life. if i turned out a little bit like him i will be happy. you never realize what you have until its gone, and today i saw this video and it made me think.. what if that was my dad. i cant even imagine how someone could get through life without there dad.. especially to lose him in the way these people did. so young and not even a chance to say goodbye. my heart goes out to those who have lost there fathers.. i wouldnt be able to do it with out mine.

so inspiring..

some people are so strong, they seem to never give up. but they arent doing it alone. god is there with them helping them all along the way. he loves us.. and like the movies says "if you dont give up you cannot fail"

so.. i was cleaning my room and i stumbled across my efy journal. i read it and found tons of quotes that ireallylove. so im gonna share them!!

"everytime you feel the spirit right down what was said, where you were, and what it felt like" personally i think this is a brilliant plan..

"Act don't react" ever since efy i have always tried to do this. instead of doing things completly insane when i get upset i think about the situation and act in the smartest way possible. or atleast i try to.

"we should be on our knees morning and night pleading with God that we never lose our faith, our testimony, or our virtue"-Doug Callister

"you CAN change someones life"

"you always reflect the church and the savior" this is just a simple reminder that people are watching us and know who we are. we need to make sure we are good representatives of Christ.

"the use of the preistood is for others. a man's job is to be worthy to use it." i really like this one because i think the main reason of the preistood is to serve. i also think that was women it is important for us to have a good impact on men because we influence them so greatly.

"... we may sometimes be alone while among those of the world. we need not be lonely.." just another reminder that we are never alone.

"If you feel far from God, guess who moved?" i love this becasue it goes to show that it is always easy to have access to the savior we just have to be willing to go to him. he is always here for us wanting a relationship

"we all have spritual illness" this is so true. not one of us is perfect and we all have weak points. ex: pride, addiciton, ect.. the good part is we can be spritually healed.

"Come Unto Christ" it is as simple as that.
Steps to come unto christ
1. want it
2. take his name upon you (wear it well)
3/ change anything in your life that you can.
4. live the basics
"when your having a problem make your first step coming unto christ"

"the lord is always there no matter what you have done." sometimes its crazy to think that he is still there for everyone. including the rapist, the raped, the killers, the killed, the jerks, the angles, the gang bangers, the cops,  the abusers, the abused, etc... he is here for everyone.

"if we dont suffer the pain that comes from recognizing our own guilt, we will never feel enough pain to use the atonement to repent." we suffer for a reason... God isnt trying to tourcher us

"think about the sin and not doing it. if you do it then only think about the atonement."

"never lower your standards" set them high and never alter them for anything or anyone.

"let service be your sheild"

Six Destructive D's
1. doubt
2. discouragement
3. distraction
4. low diligence
5. disobediecne
6. disbelief

"no man can help another man without helping himself" i know this is true because when i help other people i think i feel better then they do. it makes me so happy

"The more you love the more youll find that life is good and friends are kind."

"the lord expects you to succeed and wants to hlep"
"limitless your potential, magnificent is your future.. he did not send you here to fail, he did not give you a life to waste it"-pres gordon b hinkley. this is my favorite quote. just reminds me im here for a reason and that reason is a good one.
"your destiny is greater than you can imagine"

"Pay attention to the small things, because thats how the spirit works"
"Gods delays arent alwasy denials"

"Let the eyes of the lord be your mirrior" we are all special in our own way. we are all beautiful sons and daughters of a king. dont let anybody else tell you otherwise.

"we want to do our very best and we cant do that without christ. so he had to do his very best, and he knew that" i love this one because we are all trying our best to make it and unlike christ we arent perfect. if he wasnt perfect we wouldnt have the atonement and we wouldnt be able to do our best. life would be meaningless.

"Be Strong, And Of Good Courage" Efy 2010
you changed my life efy.

your not alone.

These past few days I have been reminded of how fragile a heart really is and how easily it can break…

Like when your boyfriend dumps you

Like when a mother’s son has completely lost his way

Like when the person you love most decides they don’t want all the same things that you do

Like when someone close to us dies or someone we barely new

Like when your best friend puts you in last place behind everybody else

Like when you work your hardest for something and in the end it still wasn’t enough

Like when you want something more than anything and you can’t have it

Like when you don’t have enough money and your barely getting by

Like when you stop being friends with someone and they do everything they can to hurt you.

Like when we are bullied and our confidence level I is really low

The point is that almost anything or anyone can break your heart, and almost everything and everyone will… but all that really matters is how are you going to endure through it. The lord is here to help us through it all and he has felt all the pain we have felt. He knows what my broken heart feels like and that sick feeling I get in my stomach after crying way too hard. He knows what your heart feels like when you’re struggling to keep moving forward.. sometimes life is hard and that’s the way its supposed to be. Trials are here for our benefit and we almost never realize it till the hard times have past, but we do get past them. Trials are short in comparison to the eternity we will live in, and one trial no matter how big or small is worth taking your own life. One day we will get past it all, and never again will we feel pain or sorrow. Whenever your feeling so low that you feel you can’t carry on think of that day. Think of our heavenly father waiting with open arms, and all the laughter and happiness that day will bring. Think of all your loved one’s close around you with smiles on their faces too. Life is hard but we should never result to giving up. If you have the will, then there will be a way. God is looking out for us though so  just remember how loved you are by so many people around you and that even though a heart can break easy, it can be healed.

Like when you realize that it didn’t work with your boyfriend because you found something thats right for you

Like when you see someone get there life back on track

Like when you realize you’ll see a deceased loved one again someday

Like when your best friend finally realizes that you have been the one always there and they finally decide to put you first

Like when the person you love most decides your wants are the right thing to do, and that your more important than his wants

Like when a neighbor see’s you struggling and brings you dinner because they are there to support you

Like when you work hard for something you don’t get and realize all the stuff you have achieved along the way

Like when we realize what everyone else says doesn’t matter and we love ourselves for the way we are

Like when we realize that we are here for a reason, and we decide to keep moving forward

Today i was doing my seminary make up and was reminded of something... i know i always knew this but i never really hit me till just now. i was reading first joshua and a few things really stuck out to me like "I will be with thee: i will not fail thee, or forsake thee." and "be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest".. while reading these it occoured to me that in times we feel alone we are not. maybe why we feel so alone is that we dont feel worthy enough to feel his presence. he never leaves us alone. like the poem footprints in the sand says "it was then that i carried you" so in times that we hurt and feel like no one understands, he is walking along side of us in as much pain as we are.. and when we are hurting so bad that we cant move on he helps us find the strength to do so. that can only happen though if we feel his presence.. my goal is to always be worthy enough to feel that, so that when something too hard for me to handle on my own comes along i wont have to be lonely. God has the power to do anything. he can heal my broken heart, and wipe tears away from my eyes. he has given me everything and so i owe it to him. to serve him, and to always stand up for what i believe in. to be couragous in all things because he has my back. he is and always will watch it better then anyone i know. he knows what your dealing with all you have to do is kneel down and pray.

Life is hard, and its gonna through a few curve balls. God is always here for us... Just try to remember its going to get bad before it gets better, but your not going to hurt forever. There is always hope for anyone and everything.

Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him.-dieter uchtdorf Very comforting to read right now... Thanks heavenly father for sending that my way.

because I have been given much I too must give

No matter  your circumstances, each of us has much to be grateful if we will stop and think of our blessings..  We are given a lot and all too often it is over looked. But really when we get on our knees at night we should thank him for what he has already given.. Not ask for him to give more. So many of us are too ungrateful  and far too greedy. I just don't think  we realize it. "What if god only let us keep the blessings that we thanked him for.." what would you still have tomorrow morning? Everything you still had, just enough to get you by, or nothing... You know there are more ways to thank him then by prayer... Because we all now if we sat there and thanked him for everything that prayer could go on for days (don't get me wrong.. not necessarily a bad thing). Another way we could thank him is service. Be a blessing for someone else. Because we have been given much we too must give. It's what the savior did.. "The love the Savior described is an active love. It is not manifested through large and heroic deeds but rather through simple acts of kindness and service." Russel m Ballard  I love this story. It has people willing to serve and a grateful man In 1918 Brother George Goates was a farmer who raised sugar beets in Lehi, Utah. Winter came early that year and froze much of his beet crop in the ground. For George and his young son Francis, the harvest was slow and difficult. Meanwhile, an influenza epidemic was raging. The dreaded disease claimed the lives of George’s son Charles and three of Charles’s small children—two little girls and a boy. In the course of only six days, a grieving George Goates made three separate trips to Ogden, Utah, to bring the bodies home for burial. At the end of this terrible interlude, George and Francis hitched up their wagon and headed back to the beet field. “[On the way] they passed wagon after wagon-load of beets being hauled to the factory and driven by neighborhood farmers. As they passed by, each driver would wave a greeting: ‘Hi ya, Uncle George,’ ‘Sure sorry, George,’ ‘Tough break, George,’ ‘You’ve got a lot of friends, George.’ “On the last wagon was … freckled-faced Jasper Rolfe. He waved a cheery greeting and called out: ‘That’s all of ‘em, Uncle George.’ “[Brother Goates] turned to Francis and said: ‘I wish it was all of ours.’ “When they arrived at the farm gate, Francis jumped down off the big red beet wagon and opened the gate as [his father] drove onto the field. [George] pulled up, stopped the team, … and scanned the field. … There wasn’t a sugar beet on the whole field. Then it dawned upon him what Jasper Rolfe meant when he called out: ‘That’s all of ‘em, Uncle George!’ “[George] got down off the wagon, picked up a handful of the rich, brown soil he loved so much, and then … a beet top, and he looked for a moment at these symbols of his labor, as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. “Then [he] sat down on a pile of beet tops—this man who brought four of his loved ones home for burial in the course of only six days; made caskets, dug graves, and even helped with the burial clothing—this amazing man who never faltered, nor flinched, nor wavered throughout this agonizing ordeal—sat down on a pile of beet tops and sobbed like a little child. “Then he arose, wiped his eyes, … looked up at the sky, and said: ‘Thanks, Father, for the elders of our ward.’” 1   Service is an amazing thing.. And so is being thankful.. So do both(:

And suddenly I become a part of your past I'm becoming the part that don't last I'm losing you and it's effortless

Your not that different after all... And in the end it still hurts

Kind of random but it's how I'm feeling unfortunately I've always known love to be simple and easy.. And life is just the thing that gets in the way... But I'm starting to think it isn't life anymore, maybe it's just me. It seems hard for people to love me, or to continuously love me.. I thought real love never changed, I guess I was wrong again. I really love this kid): he is the only boy that i could get to come to the bishop store house and do service with me, and come volunteer at my work just to spend more time with me, anytime or anything i needed he'd be there. I'm watching his love change for me right before my very eyes and I don't know what to do): I know we haven't been dating long but I have never wanted to keep something in my life so bad to see where it goes... He is so different, or so I thought. I thought this relationship would be better and different then the last one): but his love is changing for me too and pretty soon I will just be a thing in his past.. And that really hurts when you were hoping for the future): I'm starting to wonder if anyone will ever be able to love me forever, I honestly really doubt it and I can think or quite a few people who would agree. I'm not  lovable, I'm never enough, I'm never going to be enough for anyone especially him.  How can something go from so incredibly good to so incredibly bad so fast?): I would do whatever it takes to turn this around... But I don't think I'll get that chance. "But if you look close enough, you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, I mean if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."-Nathan Scott... I guess I'm just not lucky... I'll keep looking for that hope though, and it's what I'll hold on to):