who you'd be today.

SYDNEY TAYLOR BRUNING

what a beautiful daughter of god. i did not know Sydney personally, but i did know of her. and even though i did not know her well.. with confidence i can say that she is one of the most loving, kind hearted girls i have ever seen. her smile lit up the whole school, and her laughter brought it warmth. i have never witnessed one person effecting so many lives. so many loved her, and she loved them all back. 

these past few days i have realized that looks can be deceiving, and that you may truly never know a person. every time i saw Sydney she was happy, EVERY TIME. when i looked at her i thought she had it all. the guy, lots of friends, always having fun, always happy, and i would be wrong. because something was hurting Sydney so bad in her life that she felt the need to search for a way out, and she found it. on 2/7/2013 Sydney found her way out of this life, and i know she is happy know. i know she is up in heavenly fathers arms, and that she feels pain no more. however us down here are hurting bad. even though she is in a better place i know that it is hard for her friends, family, and people who hardly knew her to go without her. i didn't even know her and these past nights i have been bawling my eyes out because i know how amazing she truly was to everybody. 

i have also have come to realize what cruel world we live in.. we live in a world where kindness is necessary. because you never know how bad someone is hurting, you never know what kind of battle they are fighting. and its sad that it takes someones death for people to realize that. i want to be kinder from now one. i never want to be the reason for someones hurt. i want to build people up. not tear them down. shouldn't that be what we all strive for. is that not what we would want for ourselves. just like mama always said.. treat others the way you would want to be treated. always remember that the harsh words that you say can only be forgiven.. never forgotten. 

life is so incredibly short. you can blink and it's gone. we need to learn to cherish the small things and take nothing for granite. let people your thankful for know how much you appreciate them. let the people you love know that you love them. say it often, because you never know when your last chance will be. take everything in, and never forget. live like Sydney did, full of joy. a joy so full that it was contagious to everyone around her. be kind to all, and laugh way to much. realize that love can continue to grow towards everyone around you. and if like syd you take the time to get to know someone, you will love them to pieces. 

rest in peace sydney taylor bruning. you may be gone.. but never forgotten.  

forever should never be cut short.

its been a LONG time since i have written anything.. i really want to start getting back in the habit. so much has happened in my life, but they all have revolved around one thing (or i guess one person). Sage Peacock. my future husband.
yep that's right he asked me to marry him some time ago now. it was on September 16th. in other words the best birthday gift a girl could ask for. we haven't gotten married, and we still are unsure of when. we are hoping for an eternal marriage, something that will last forever.
i believe that too often these days people just give up. they decide that the marriage/person they would once do anything for simply isn't worth it. and in deciding this it leads to divorce. but the truth is marriage isn't easy. hell, love isn't even easy. it is something that has to be worked for not just by one of the two, but by both. its working together, as a team. it was best put by the notebook when noah says "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to WORK AT this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday" 
i just do not see how you could fall out of love with someone when you are working towards them and putting so much time in to them? 
more reasons why we lose sight of love is because we only love the part of us we see in another. you are supposed to love another because they are different not because they are the same as us. you are two different people joined together as one. he is supposed to be the part of her that she is not. it is what makes you a good team, that you are different. another stupid reason as to why love dies, is that we lose sight of all the good the other is doing and only focus on the bad. instead of being grateful for what is done all that is thought about was what was not done. we get so caught up in where we want to be we forget to sit back and realize all that is trying to be done to get there.
it isn't supposed to be easy, other wise everyone would do it. it needs to be hard. the hard times is what brings you closer. when struggle, but both try you really do realize the lengths one is willing to take for another. 
maybe i just don't know.. maybe i'm just not experienced.. maybe even sometimes there is a good reason not to work at it. but i promise you, myself, and my man.. that i will never take the easy road out. never will i consider divorce because he means that much to me, and our future means that much to me. i do not just want him now. this kind of love is not to be a temporary thing. its something that should be preserved. 

i look forward to a long life with him, and the life after. im excited to grow old with the man of my dreams, the man who truly is perfect for me. i look forward to a happy life with him, where we continue to make each other laugh. because if he is not happy then i am not. i cant wait to continue to fall hopelessly in love with him as i learn knew things about him almost every day. he honestly amazes me.  he has the biggest heart, and not only does he put me before him self, but he puts everyone else there too. all to many times he says things that shock me and make me so giddy inside. i love growing closer to him. and cant believe how close this last year has brought us. it  is in times of struggle that i realize all that he really would do for me. he is one of kind, and i hope that he never changes. because i know that he is the kind of man who will fight for me, who will struggle for me, he will always stand by my side. he has the best sense of humor and is never serious, i laugh on a daily basis, as a matter of fact i do not remember the last day where i did not laugh. 
he is the best team mate i could ask for. i thank God for him. i know he is in my life for a reason. that reason is to be mine to hold not only till death do i part, but even until after that. 
friends come and go, one day your children will get married, and all you will have left is the person you said "i do" to. so i beg you, do not rush love, let it take its time. let things fall together, so that they won't have to fall apart. make sure it is right, make sure they truly are the one for you. because its not just for better. its for better or worse. that means your going to have to stick it out, and that it won't always be easy. because we are people so mistakes will be made. one of the most important things you can do... forgive. because your going to have to do a lot of it. try to remember that just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. and just when you think it can't get any better.. it can. 

this week at work i met the most incredibly man.. his name was cal packer. now i only talked with him for 15-20 minutes, but he has changed my life forever. he came in to buy some shrubs, but it was hard to know what he wanted. you see cal's vocal cord snapped and he has a hard time talking, and people have an even harder time understanding. cal told me about his life, and im glad i took the time to hear it. he told me about his wife, and how she sent him out on a mission for two years and waited till her returned. they are old now and she is in a wheel chair, but he takes care of her. he then quoted a scripture to me.. proverbs 3:5-6 "trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." he was the sweetest man with the biggest heart, and i hope one day i will be able to meet him again. i hope that one day i will have a man like him, that will take care of me when im old and frail. because that is what love is really about. its about someone who is willing to do anything for you even if it hurts them. someone willing to give it their all, for all of time and eternity. he also reminded me that God can help us with anything, and if we dont know what to do he does, because he knows it all.  thanks cal for the sweet simple reminders

you may think im old fashioned, but to be honest i kind of am. i don't like all of this technology, i know it has its pros but it has a lot of cons too. sometimes... well actually all the time, i wish i lived in old western times. when boys tipped there hats when you walked by, and if they had something they really wanted to tell you they would track you down. cell phones make it too easy to talk to someone, especilly texting. i can't tell you how many times someone has texted me before talked to me in person, or only texted me and never talked to me in person at all. people even say things that they wouldn't normally because texting makes it easier to do so. i wish people now days had guts. guts to talk to me and ask me for my number instead of getting it off facebook. guts to walk up and as a girl on a date instead of texting me and asking... i absolutely hate cell phones.. i think they are important for very few things.. like emergencies, or keeping in touch with those who are far away. but it drives me absolutely insane how addicted people are to their phones. i hate when your hanging out with people and their are on their phones. when im with someone and they are on their phone it just shows me who or what their first priority is. it is their phone or the person that they are texting, what i have to say is unimportant. i just dont understand why texting is so important to us. would it be that hard for us to simply put our phones down and get to know the people we are with. people are always changing and you can always learn somthing new from them, you just have to pay attention and take the time to listen. what if someone was upset, but you never noticed because you couldnt look up from your phone long enough to see what was the matter.  i hate texting, i hate the fact that i turn to my phone when im bored. it bugs me that i do that. im not saying we shouldnt use our phones because thats not it at all. but would it really kill us or be that hard to keep it in our pockets when we are with people. show poeple how much they really do mean to  you. listen to them with out the interruption of a cell phone.

your my best friend:)

recently i discovered this thing called urban dictionary.. its a dictionary for "slang", but then i started typing names into it. like
Sage:"he is one of the most amazing guys you'll ever meet. he is an intelligent individual and is fun to be around. Sage is someone who is unlike anyone. he is best described as a hipster. he has random moments and laughs at things not many other people will. sage is a guy you can trust and count on. his smile will brighten your day no matter what. his hugs are amazing. they'll make you feel like not letting go. sage is someone who doesnt like to see the person he cares about down. hes definatly a guy you'll be sure to fall in love with because he is truly awesome."
there was also "fine as hell" and "a cool maintained attitude iwth thriving luck with sexuality. often trying new things with no fear. a person well liked by everyone. on everybodyes good side no matter what"
Then we looked up Matt his said
Matt:"a cute, adorable, sweet, random. funny, weird, and slightly insane boy. can make you smile no matter what is goin on or how mad you are at him and will make you cry at the littlest things. he shows equal affection to every girl he knows, and because of that will probably end up breaking your heart. hes a lover not a fighter, but doesnt know ow powerful his words can be. he always things hes done something wrong or screwd up in some way. he will always keep you wondering what is going on inside his head. and always keep you wondering on wheather or not waht hes saying is true. you will love and hate him all at the same time. but you will never want to leave him" there was also "an incredible guy. amazing in everysense hes a smooth talker, but he means everything he says hell treat you like a princess, has an adorable laugh and a bright smile. usually very cheerful and optimistic, despite how horrible the situation may be. can be harsh attimes for good reasons, but the amazing qualities cancel that out. the name matt means gift of god" and "matt. their names are common but they are rare. amazing kissers. perfect in everyway. usually tall and blonde."

haha i think some of these things are dead on. matt and sage are my best friends and i am so grateful for them. they have been here for me at the most crucial of times. and i will always be there for them. i love hanging out with boys. there are so many benefits to having boys as best friends rather then girls
1. they dont start rummors for no reason, or like they would say(sarcastically)"oh ya cause we just talk mad shit all the time"
2.they keep your secrets
3.they dont pms and are never rude unless you do something to piss them off
4.they wont try and steal the guy you like
5.they arent two faced
6.they stick up for you no matter what

 i love my two best friends. the only negative of having two boys as best friends is they wont take pictures with you. what stinkers! i am so glad that i can count on them. they are truly amazing and i am so grateful for them.

country must be country wide

i love being out in the country, and im not in it near enough. but when i am it usually turns out being the best day ever. a few weeks ago i went out to five mile with my friends angie and melia. we werent out there long, but it was worth it. and the cabelas trip after was mighty fine. we had fun:)
then last sunday my dad, brother, and i took our dogs out hiking. we were up in the mountains for about three hours. it was so relaxing and they dogs loved it. i cant wait for summer when i can do that more often.
and then yesterday my two best friends took me out west to go shooting. and i had a blast. yesterday was absolutely perfect, besides the fact Matt had to get stiches. he will get a awesome scar though. i shot the twenty-two and actually hit a few things. Sage shot the shot gun and made Matt deaf. and both their ears were ringing after shooting the 357 mag. then we hiked around for a little bit. when we got home while matt was getting stiches i looked at pictures of sage when he was little. they were quite cute.
lately all i listen to is country. im absolutely in love with it. there is so much you can learn from country music. like "dont blink, life goes faster then you think", "never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy", "its always your favorite sins that do you in", "lifes too easy to be so damn complicated." almost every country song can teach you something and i love it.

I was wrong. There is no way your losing me. Today after your game I realized how much I like you still.. I think this is just how you get when baseball rolls around. But I'll put up with it if it means I get to be with you!

he has been so cute lately, it's like all of the sudden things have completely changed. when two people hurt me who i thought never would did he was there for me.. he stood up for me and let me know how much he loves me.. and it meant a lot. lately he ask me how things are going and he makes sure that i am alright. he gives me hugs goodbye and tells me that he loves me, and he has no idea how much it means to me. right now he is exactly what i need. i wish i had my best friend to tell her about all the cute and simple things he says and does, but i dont. he is really the only one i can talk to about everything. it amazes me how fast things can change, and how bad the things people say can hurt.

today i saw a kid i used to know in jr high. he used to be such a good, he made such good choices. when i saw him today i was shocked. i never thought he'd be the one to do drugs. it doesnt make him a bad kid. it just makes me wonder what happened in his life to get him to that point. then i started thinking about my own life. i thought about my trials and how my life would be different if i had never experienced them. or even just how i handled my trials. at what point did they completely break me, and at won't point did i decide i was stronger than that and ready to try again. or what if when they broke me i never got back up. what kind of life would i be living, what path would i be on? it is crazy what defines us, and who can have influences on us.

something else i was thinking about today, i read a quote and it made me realize something. "Thats the thing about people who mean everything they say. they think everyone else does too."-Amir from the kite runner. i was thinking maybe people like that know you dont mean it, but if you have to lie to them to make yourself feel better then maybe they just let you get away with it. thats what i do. when someone lies to me, i usually know it. i just let them get away with it becasue if they need that to build them up, then why would i want to tear them down. i try to always give people the beneifit of the doubt and it hurts when they take advantage of that.

this is completely random, but its how i feel lately.

remember that day i didnt go to school because i was having a hard day, and you came over and you let me talk to you and cry.. and you were just there for me.. you skipped school because i needed you. i miss that and i would hope that if i needed that again you would do that, but i dont know if you would. i just hope you would. imissyou..

I am so grateful for my dad and all that he does for me. Life without him is unimaginable. He is such a hard worker and he has and will always be a family man. the song family man by cragi campbell really does describe him.. he has always made sacrafices for us, and those around him. he is quick to serve and will always help anyone in need. he has been a huge example in my life. if i turned out a little bit like him i will be happy. you never realize what you have until its gone, and today i saw this video and it made me think.. what if that was my dad. i cant even imagine how someone could get through life without there dad.. especially to lose him in the way these people did. so young and not even a chance to say goodbye. my heart goes out to those who have lost there fathers.. i wouldnt be able to do it with out mine.

so inspiring..

some people are so strong, they seem to never give up. but they arent doing it alone. god is there with them helping them all along the way. he loves us.. and like the movies says "if you dont give up you cannot fail"

so.. i was cleaning my room and i stumbled across my efy journal. i read it and found tons of quotes that ireallylove. so im gonna share them!!

"everytime you feel the spirit right down what was said, where you were, and what it felt like" personally i think this is a brilliant plan..

"Act don't react" ever since efy i have always tried to do this. instead of doing things completly insane when i get upset i think about the situation and act in the smartest way possible. or atleast i try to.

"we should be on our knees morning and night pleading with God that we never lose our faith, our testimony, or our virtue"-Doug Callister

"you CAN change someones life"

"you always reflect the church and the savior" this is just a simple reminder that people are watching us and know who we are. we need to make sure we are good representatives of Christ.

"the use of the preistood is for others. a man's job is to be worthy to use it." i really like this one because i think the main reason of the preistood is to serve. i also think that was women it is important for us to have a good impact on men because we influence them so greatly.

"... we may sometimes be alone while among those of the world. we need not be lonely.." just another reminder that we are never alone.

"If you feel far from God, guess who moved?" i love this becasue it goes to show that it is always easy to have access to the savior we just have to be willing to go to him. he is always here for us wanting a relationship

"we all have spritual illness" this is so true. not one of us is perfect and we all have weak points. ex: pride, addiciton, ect.. the good part is we can be spritually healed.

"Come Unto Christ" it is as simple as that.
Steps to come unto christ
1. want it
2. take his name upon you (wear it well)
3/ change anything in your life that you can.
4. live the basics
"when your having a problem make your first step coming unto christ"

"the lord is always there no matter what you have done." sometimes its crazy to think that he is still there for everyone. including the rapist, the raped, the killers, the killed, the jerks, the angles, the gang bangers, the cops,  the abusers, the abused, etc... he is here for everyone.

"if we dont suffer the pain that comes from recognizing our own guilt, we will never feel enough pain to use the atonement to repent." we suffer for a reason... God isnt trying to tourcher us

"think about the sin and not doing it. if you do it then only think about the atonement."

"never lower your standards" set them high and never alter them for anything or anyone.

"let service be your sheild"

Six Destructive D's
1. doubt
2. discouragement
3. distraction
4. low diligence
5. disobediecne
6. disbelief

"no man can help another man without helping himself" i know this is true because when i help other people i think i feel better then they do. it makes me so happy

"The more you love the more youll find that life is good and friends are kind."

"the lord expects you to succeed and wants to hlep"
"limitless your potential, magnificent is your future.. he did not send you here to fail, he did not give you a life to waste it"-pres gordon b hinkley. this is my favorite quote. just reminds me im here for a reason and that reason is a good one.
"your destiny is greater than you can imagine"

"Pay attention to the small things, because thats how the spirit works"
"Gods delays arent alwasy denials"

"Let the eyes of the lord be your mirrior" we are all special in our own way. we are all beautiful sons and daughters of a king. dont let anybody else tell you otherwise.

"we want to do our very best and we cant do that without christ. so he had to do his very best, and he knew that" i love this one because we are all trying our best to make it and unlike christ we arent perfect. if he wasnt perfect we wouldnt have the atonement and we wouldnt be able to do our best. life would be meaningless.

"Be Strong, And Of Good Courage" Efy 2010
you changed my life efy.